Brought Up From The Water Deep

In my life, I have been made captive through disappointments, guilt, hurt, self-hatred, and unforgiveness. So many times I have faced the mask of defeat, forgetting that God's love never fails. The fortresses that I have built on my own are in ruins, despite what the false exterior portrays. For so many years, this has been the case until a series of events and revelations entered my life that have ultimately changed me forever. One of those events was my baptism in Duns, Scotland. It was important for me to be baptized in the UK because it is where I re-committed myself as a Christian. Being able to stand up and share my bold and truthful testimony infront of strangers took faith that God was going to use my vulnerability, my story, for good. As I shared, I felt God loosening the last of the chains of shame, guilt and self-punishment. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 ("For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...") came into a whole new meaning for me. When I was lowered into the water, I felt God's peace fall upon me. As I was brought back up, I felt that everything from my past had been washed off of me. No feelings of guilt, shame, or defeat. In fact, I felt the opposite. I was empowered, refreshed, encouraged and a child of God anew. I wanted to go out and share God's love with everyone. For once, I was released from the care of what people may think of me and of my Christianity. I knew that my calling requires my obedience, my love and respect for the sacrifice of Christ so that I may humbly be an example. This is why I chose Phillipians 2:12-13, 14-16 as my baptismal scripture.

Dearest Friends, you were always so careful to follow my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away you must be even more careful to put into action God's with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him.
In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you. You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark word full of crooked and perverse people [live as lights in the world amongst a dark and crooked generation]. Let your lives shine brightly before them. Hold tightly to the word of life, so that when Christ returns, I will be proud that I did not lose the race and that my work was not useless. (NIV [NLT])

Every day I encounter a chance to be a light among the world. I am constantly reminding myself that Jesus died on the same cross for me as He did for others. He wants to offer the same hope to others through my imperfections and the grace demonstrated in my life. I must be careful not to be arrogant with the righteousness I have experienced but rather open my arms to others circumstances. I have a chance to serve God in little ways.

I want to encourage those who are considering baptism to not feel pressured into it, or feel like you have to follow others. Do it when you feel the Holy Spirit is leading you to. Who cares if everyone else has done it. This is your relationship with Christ, so follow the pace God has set for you. You'll know the time and the place. A friend of mine, Murray (whose blog is conencted to mine below), went to church dressed up in a silk shirt, not intending to be baptised that night, but the Spirit moved him, and he did it, silk shirt and all. Me, I've waited until my 21st year because I didn't feel ready until now. Baptism has allowed me to step into a new phase in my walk with Christ. I pray your experience with Baptism will bless you as much as it has blessed me.

Be encouraged because Jesus Loves You and has set you free!

In Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

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The Scottish Borders; God's Country, My Country

As many of you know, I spent two weeks in the Scottish Borders, Duns, Scotland in January of this year. Every time I visit the UK, I never come home (to Canada) the same. When I got off the plane in Amsterdam to catch my connection to Edinburgh, my nerves started jumping because I just wanted to get "home" (as I call it, because it is just like home). As we crossed the North Sea on the coast of Scotland, my heart started crying...HOME and my FAMILY! I was so glad to touch ground and even happier to see my big brother, Jonathan, meeting me inside the airport. I jumped in excitement into his arms to give him a big hug. I settled in, a couple days went by, and all was silent. If you spent some time with this family, you'd discover how unusual that is. All the while, my life in action was being observed by my big brother and his wife with the Holy's Spirit's knowledge and sensitivity. When the moment came, and the silence broke with confrontation, my arrogant notion that I was prepared to defend my actions was totally blown out of the water. I had no answers but excuses. I realized how much deception I had enabled myself with day to day through excuses. I didn't want to take ownership of my weaknesses nor my sin in them. This is what I wrote in my journal about it;

God,

I need you in m weaknesses now and always. I had overlooked areas in my life thinking I was above them but yet, I am so decieved by them. I have used your grace as an excuse to be above every one else and I'm so unbelieveably sorry for that. I have had false humility in my heart amongst sin. Just like last night driving in the Borders, no stars were seen, and the hills were barely recognized. This is an illustration of my heart and my life. There is so much beauty out there but it is hidden in darkness. You can't see it 'till daylight comes. I need more than a torch to light my way. I am struggling with rampant sin covering my heart and my mind. I need to stop shifting the blame on others or circumstances. I need to stop pulling out the innocent glances to manipulate people's reactions and to grow up to take responsibility for my actions as an ADULT. At the same time, I cannot allow myself the luxury of falling into my weaknesses because "God has already forgiven me"...

LORD, I have been kidding myself that I have come further than I had thought, that your grace exempts me from the things that every one else has trouble with. I have been thinking that I'm better than every one else in certain areas. I have been arrogant and prideful in my thinking. For this, I pray forgive me...

Your Child,
Natalie

1 Corinthians 5:7
" Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you are already unleavened [by Christ]."

During this process of God stripping more layers away, I began to ask myself some key questions through an illustration that was offered to me. This illustration was of Christ being a river flowing in and out of us that is constantly refreshed and renewed. It also involved a puddle - stagnent water, dirt has settled, rubbish floating - nothing flowing in or out. Below are those key questions:

1) Who/what is your river instead of God?
2) Are you looking to someone to be the container of the river of God for you?
3) Issues - Are you planted in them? Are you feeding off of the stagnent water?
4) Enemies - Are you consumed by [an] enemies? By issues? By stumbling blocks? Negative behaviours?
5) Are you trying to succeed on your own strength and becoming dehydrated?

I realized that I was the stagnent puddle, that I would continue to be if I didn't begin to ask God to daily refresh me with awareness of my weaknesses. I also needed to actively recognize my responsibility to change my actions before I act.

I have used my own example not to give glory to myself, but rather to demonstrate what can happen in each of our lives (when we've turned our head the other way) when we have stumbling blocks. It is also to say that these stubling blocks can become stepping stones, if one chooses to make them so by pinpointing past compromises and crushing them with a new path. Ultimately, those stepping stones can assist you and the many others that follow behind.

Love in Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

"Sin and Satan presence in our lives is the poison that kills us. Jesus Christ is our only antidote." - Tara White

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The World's Faces Are a Fake Canvas

You may think that what you are painting your life on a canvas that is nothing less than spectacular. One day, you return to check the curing of your master piece and you discover that something has gone terribly wrong. All of the colours have melted altogether, and none of the image is recognizable. You painstakingly research in your head what could’ve been the cause of this tragedy. Were the materials you used genuine, were you taken for a ride, deceived by the materials you used? After much thought, you come to the conclusion that the canvas you used still must have had impurities left on it that reacted negatively with the paint. The canvas material was not genuinely pure. I’m not an artist, and I don’t even know if this could happen in real life, but just go with me on an illustrative tangent.

Often times in circumstances that are temptingly too hard to face, we react by putting on a mask, or painting a pretty picture for ourselves and others. It’s really a horrible facade. Sometimes years pass before we begin to recognize that our lives, our beliefs, our morals, are being tainted by the chemicals, our soul SIN (as my gramps would put it), that we have attempted to paint over. The layers of paint are beginning to smear and decay. We then look at ourselves and see something that is no longer recognizable. Our attempts to cover over what was too painful to face, was really, a deep calling for help that no one may have been brave enough to stick their neck out for.

It is a pity that society has aided the effort to boycott the value of vulnerability and the strength that comes out of weakness. Even women have been combatted with the same pressures that men face to be "STRONG!" and not ask for help, because asking for help would mean that we can’t do it alone. That must mean that if we can’t do it alone, we are not valuable to the world, and thus not loveable. LIES!! I’m not going to blame this all on society to escape my own responsibility in this matter or even the church’s. The truth is, that we are all a part of society. Ultimately, we are all a society of the children of God. Guys, Gals, it’s up to us to change these lies by opening our arms to each other with God’s love and creating an atmosphere in the world where no one has to hide behind these life destructing masks. It can be as simple as being a listening ear to someone who feels totally invisible to the world, remembering the details that are important to them, making their life apart of your life. Imagine how many ugly masks you can help peel back from their faces by doing something so simple. Be a light in some one’s life where you sense that there is more than meets the eye. Remind them that there is nothing so horrible that they may have done that would separate them from the love of God, their creator (Romans 8:39).Only then, will they be able to begin to discover who they genuinely are after all their years of painting a "pretty" picture have past.

MOST importantly, we must remind ourselves that because we are Christian, it does not mean we are immune to such tactics of facade. Even our SpiRITUALS can be a mask to hide behind our insecurities with ourselves, with others, our faith, and our relationship with God. We can be such fools raising our hands, dancing around, sporting our musical ability, shouting in tongues for all to hear, and preaching to all the trees, trying to top one another’s "Godliness"(Romans 6:12-14). What a bunch of horse pile! In this world of pridefulness and equality of hurt, this world needs REAL, transparent Christians. Admitting vulnerability in our humanity is an open door to letting Christ use us as His most powerful tools.

I leave you with a poem that I recently came upon in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Yours In Christ,
Natalie M. Steele
"Mighty Woman of God in Training"


Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me,
My surface may even seem smooth by my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being
exposed. That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
is it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breath life into me.
I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet,
and I am every woman you meet.

Author Unknown


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I Stand Amazed, I Stand in Grace

In the past few weeks, so many lives I know have been turned up-side-down. Christmas time has so much joy and cause for celebration, but also, so much sorrow for many. A young girl, whom I assisted in mentoring while I was in England 2004, has recently been convicted and sentenced to six months in juvenille imprisionment. I cannot even begin to understand what she is thinking while sitting in a cold cell through this season; My cousin has been diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma Cancer; A young man facing a serious court case and in need of good defence; My best friend's father in a coma, with a 5% chance of living. She has to face the demons of her anger for his many years of abuse, violation, divorce, and betrayal. I almost don't get it, but after a little thought, I understand. I understand why Christ's birth, death, and ressurection heats up the old coals lying around near the bottom of the fireplace. Christ's beginnings erased the norm of thousands of years of complacency. Christ's beginnings were those of a call to sacrifice our past, ressurect our purpose for the future, and in that to live anew, having gone through OUR journey to the cross. This walk to the cross is not purely to seek forgiveness, but also to shake off the chains, the extra luggage. It is a lesson of how to travel light and for HIM to be your traveling light. We begin our journey to the cross every time we seek to know where we stand in our relationship with Jesus Christ. I was reminded of this timeless lesson while playing, "I Stand Amazed", on my guitar this evening. I was also reminded of how grateful I am to have gone through a coble stone ladden past. I realized that God's grace not only has covered me on my journey to purpose-filled ressurection through Him. I can be of support and pass His grace on to those who do not have the strength, by blazing the way ahead of them, much like I have in my past. I can take their place underneath that heavy cross, before the throne of God, to lift their sorrows, sacrifices, grief and despair. I can be the bearer, the person of peace in their life - much like Jesus.

Mark boyd, composer of "I Stand Amazed", hits spot on with the description of how many of us feel at points in our lives. [Emphasis by me]

I bring you my heart, I bring you my praise
I bring you the broken dreams I've lost along the way
I lift up my voice, I lift up my hands
I lift up the moments in my life that I don't understand
And I lay it at the cross where I'm surrounded by your grace
And I marvel at the wonder of your love

.....
I stand amazed, I stand in awe
I stand forgiven in the midst of it all
.....

I offer You thanks, I offer you my life
I offer a sacrifice of praise when I'm scattered by the night
For you are my shelter, You are my King
You are the risen Son of God, the Lord of everything
.....

I don't know how many times I've sung this as a prayer, shed tears, and at the same time, while discouraged, felt encouraged.

I have come to the conclusion that I believe that in such times as Christmas the status of tragedies hightens because the Lord Almighty is beckoning our eyes to look upon Him. To follow the star and find a beautiful promise at the end of a long journey. Most of all, he is beckoning us to bring the great person of peace (His Son) into circumstances where words cannot be sorted and actions can only speak. Truly, "when our depravity meets His divinity, it is a beautiful collision (David Crowder)."


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21st Gear; Climbing Farther from the Valleys

On December 9th, I celebrated my 21st birthday with friends and family. Some say that their 20th year doesn’t make a difference, and their 21st still doesn’t make you feel any different, just older. I myself would have to disagree. Looking back upon my years since I was 19, I have totally turned around from the person I once knew. Even in the past weekend I learned a new perspective about myself that I was blown away by. In my 20th year, something undescribable happened within me. It was like God just went and put a higher watt bulb in the socket and turned on a huge light switch. I have always been smart, it’s more that I realized I had started to become an adult. Responsibility was mine, and it was up to me to begin to revolutionize the way I acted, spoke, and sung on my own stage. No longer did I have a total covering of my family. Even though my family is around, I have had to look deep into the well of who I am apart from them.And so, the journey began, with the carpet being ripped from underneath my feet and the nastiest sores being exposed. THANK GOD! Satan’s lies and excuses of low self-value, people pleasing, trying on all the masks of SpiRITUALISM, burying myself in pity, anger, depression, self-defeat, the need to prove my worth…GONE! The hardest part of facing the tough stuff is losing pride to then be vulnerable. I had to start from somewhere, and THAT was definitely humbling. I have never been a horrible person, but when all the masks were torn off of me, I had to face head on what, who I really was, and MOST of all, begin to see the truth in God’s image of me. After that, I had to take a stand for myself and take a hard look at the bad apples in my life whether it was people, things, behaviours, etc. The tedious part was sticking to the guidelines I had set out for myself. Those were the foundational steps to the walk I lead today.

Recently, I was involved in a seminar that talked about The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (often used in pre-marital counselling). There, I discovered something huge about myself. A year ago, if you would’ve told me that I was a good person, I would’ve hmmmed and hawed, made excuses, etc. Now, I totally don’t need someone to tell me that I’m a good person because I would automatically respond, “DARN RIGHT I AM!” My love languages have totally switched up. Once where my need for words of affirmation was top priority, sits my need for quality time. Words of affirmation is at the BOTTOM of the list. I credit this not to myself, but to God and his surgery. He worked through my vulnerability to seek after His image for me. I now know that I have a solid foundation in His purposes, His promises, and His image for me in me. That will never change. I may have doubt in the surroundings I live in but I have NO wavering doubt on the rock on which I stand. As long as I keep humble, he will be able to mould me into a Mighty Woman of God. I no longer need to look to other people to validate who I am because I have learned to soothe myself through God’s truth for me. I have never felt so happy in my own skin as I do now. God is working on me daily, and I look forward to every day so that he, the wick in my center, can burn away me. Pride is only a superficial thing to loose and a small sacrifice, compared to the reward of the REALity of yourself that will be revealed through loving actions.

My advice to all the gals out there, young and old, single or attached. Invest the time to find out who you are apart from everyone else or your significant other. In your most intimate moments with yourself and God you will begin to peel back the mystery of His promises for you. This investment will be the MOST rewarding thing that you can do for yourself. If all else is gone, if every one you know and love leaves you in the dust, the one thing that you will be able to count on is the image in which you are beheld in God’s eye. Don’t ever depend on others to validate/value who you are, because in the end, only God will be left and only HE can be the un-shifting rock.

And so, I move on from here, blessed with another year of promises great and small. Another year of learning patience and faith, turning curses into gifts, and helping others do the same. Come, I encourage you all to follow so that the world can watch us be the ammunition for the future.

God Bless


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WATCH ME GET WICKED LIKE A HAND GRENADE!!!

I was recently going through my journals, as I do once and a while, and I came upon a poem I wrote. I wrote it while reading Nikki Cruz' book, Run Baby Run, an autobiography of Cruz' days as a gang member in New York and his journey to know Jesus as his Saviour. Nikki Cruz was the first "disciple" off the street that David Wilkerson "recruited." For those of you who need a reminder, David Wilkerson is the author of the renowned book, The Cross and The Switchblade, as well as the founder of Teen Challenge Ministries (I proudly say that my family was a part of that ministry for 9 Years!!), now a world-wide ministry to rehabilitate alcohol and drug addicts. In my poem, I make reference to bullets. Nikki's gang experiences led me to a metaphorical revelation about bullets. Whether literal or not, bullets can hurt and even kill. For me, bullets represent the words, the actions, and the circumstances in our lives in which we can hurt others with or make light of them for good. As Christians we have an exceptional power through the Holy Spirit to be "The Ammunition For The Future."

BULLETS, BULLETS
IN THE SKY.
BULLETS, BULLETS
AIMING HIGH.
DOWN BELOW
THE DARK POWDER
LIES.
KILLING THE SHADOWS,
NO ONE C R I E S.
UNDER THE NIGHT,
ONLY OUR SOULS
KNOW WHAT IS
WRONG.

BULLETS, BULLETS
LIKE STREAMS OF
DEATH.
BULLETS, BULLETS
ONE LAST BREATH.
IN THE LOT
RED CLEAN UP LOOMS.
CHEERING HAS FADED
ALL ARE MAROONED.

FUTURE TELLS US
TIMES ARE
BLEAK,
BUT WHO'S
FACE DO WE SEEK?

BULLETS, BULLETS
FATAL B L O W.
BULLETS, BULLETS
IT'S TIME TO SHOW.
UP ABOVE,
THE STREET LIGHT SHINES
CROWDING OUR SINS,
BLEMISHES IT B L I N D S.
UNDER THE DAY
WE CANNOT HIDE.
OUR CONSCIENCE NUDGES
HARD IN THE SIDE.

BULLETS, BULLETS
WHAT WE DO?
BULLETS, BULLETS
HOW, WHERE & WHO?
RUNNNING FORWARD,
R U N SIDE-BY-SIDE
TAKE THE BULLET,
HOP ON A RIDE.
UNDER THE S C O P E,
AIM NIGHT OR DAY
IN THE SHADOWS
I CANNOT STAY.

WATCH-A GUNNA DO
WHEN WE FREAKS ARE KILLIN'?
WHEN WE NOT CHILLIN'?
THE MOST HIGH GAVE US
AMMUNITION FOR POWER &
DRIVE.
INSTEAD WE BOMBING,
SHOOTING SOULS &
K-NIVIN'.

BULLETS, BULLETS
CAN BLEED EVEN US.
IT'S TIME TO DO RIGHT,
IN GOD WE TRUST.
THE CROSS IS OLD
BUT THE NAILS HAVE NOT
RUST.
MATURING WISDOM
WE SHOULD FROM IT HAR-VEST
AGAIN I SAY,
IN GOD WE TRU-UST.

BULLETS, BULLETS
NONE ARE DYING.
BULLETS, BULLETS
GOD'S MIGHT IS FLYING.
ON DISPLAY BRIGHTLY,
FOR ALL TO SEE.
SAVING MILLIONS,
STARTING BY ONE, TWO & THREE
WE, OBLIVIOUS TO
THE STARES.
WE, THE AMMUNITION
OF THE RARE-IST.

~Natalie M. Steele
~May 10, 2005

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7 Processes to Measure Your Spiritual Vitals

At times we need a reminder of where we are at with God and to check our spiritual vitals. "KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! IS ANY ONE LIVING INSIDE THERE?" My Pastor recently preached a sermon with 7 processes to measure spiritual vitals, along with some key questions to ask oneself. That being said, I'd like to share them with you.

Warning: One graphic example may make some people squirm.

1. Movement - an energy within that signals the process is moving. A driving force that is contagious among the masses that produces transition and change. Are you really moving or have you convinced yourself that you are moving?
   
   
2. Respiration- Just like a plant in osmosis, God is breathing out upon us so that we can receive his life that makes us go into full bloom.
   
   APART FROM CHRIST THERE IS NO LIFE!
   Am I trusting God with every department of my life?
   
   ** Are you holding your breath?**
   ~ When you go from service to service are you holding your breath, then letting it go when you can't hold it any longer?
   ~Christianity is more than diving in to each event and holding your breath.
   
   
3. Sensitivity- Are we sensing what is happening around us? Are we aware of the spiritual climate among Christians and non-Christians alike? Have we become hardened towards those we need to be sensitive to?
   
   
4. Growth- Sometimes slow, sometimes fast, but it always needs a seed sown to start the process of movement.
   
   **Are you personally growing?**
   ~Are you just surviving from one sermon to another, from one church event to another, and living on other's teaching?
   ~OR are you searching for your own teaching with Christ?
   
   **What will you sacrifice?** No Extra sandals or garments, no place to lay your head!!
   ~ When will you be willing to make your life right with God so that he can put you in His perfect place?
   
   
5. Reproduction- Living out what God has breathed in and upon us. Are you living out what God has called you to do? Are you breathing out the breath of God upon others around you?
   
   **Are you reproducing?**
   ~ Is there at least one person believing in Jesus because of your life's example?
   ~ Is there at least one person around you emulating your life?
   
   
6. Excrement- In our lives we sometimes build up with mucky sin. If it is not released, it becomes toxic. One can die if their bowels become hardened and cannot be released. Jesus knew when to "move on" before the situation got toxic. We need to allow God to do what is beneficial; trust Him to know when there is a situation that we need to let go of.
   
   "THE BOWELS OF CHRIST"
   EVERYTHING IS MOVING WITHIN
   
   **Are you REALLY living?
   
   
7. Nutrition- Jesus is the only Bread of Life. We cannot survive long without the proper nutrition to nourish our bodies. The same is with our spiritual bodies. Our human bodies will pass away, but our spiritual bodies live on.

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Leverage and Purpose

Hello Everyone!

I apologize for slacking here. Life has delt some tough ones lately and my family is going through some transition. So, I've decided to comment on my life a bit and share with everyone where God has been leading me. May God bless you through this!


As days go by, I realize that God is taking my gifting’s and moulding them in ways that I never thought and places I never thought of. There are vast open doors that God is leading my heart through for the future. I can’t wait to jump in and be lavished, not by money, people or things, but by the simplicity of God’s abundance in His one on one ministry. Every day I am starting from today for the future; learning how to be the soaking sponge of Christ pouring over His mercies. The One love I have in this world truly comes down to Him and the hopes of His heart for His children. My soul cries out with tears of joy every time I see a soul saved, a fellow brother or sister forgiven, a child given a second chance. All of these, are miracles of God that I will be able to adMINISTER at times no one expects.
I have been through many transitions that, at times, seemed pointless and hopeless. I have shaken my fist at God and even blamed myself for “failures.” The fact is, they were failures because I called them so. My views of these tough transitions have changed drastically. They continue to change from moment to moment, day to day, and month to month. All of these circumstances are God’s leverage. And when I think of leverage, I have a vision of this huge caveman boulder with a smaller boulder in front to hold it in place. God is standing ready with a huge stick wedged underneath the boulder. At a moment when no one expects it, He uses the right leverage to get it moving. Like in the Godzilla movies, everyone is running from the boulder because they are afraid. I believe that boulder is God’s metaphor for me. When I am obedient and faithful to His purposes, not matter how simple the task, I can be the one to IMPACT (a bad joke – har, har) people with the gifts that He has given me – even when they are afraid of it. God is consistently giving me leverage and preparation for the future. A curse is a curse if you make it; A gift is a curse if you make it. Make a curse a gift when it is given to you. I can live better now that I have begun to develop the ability to admitt that I have been given a pile of dung, accept it, and respond “Now God, what can we do with this pile to make it smell pretty.” God never gives us something He knows we can’t handle.

Many times I have been given visions and prophecies by total strangers that I am like a “puzzle that can’t find it’s missing piece” (Coldplay’s song “Talk” explains all of what I feel about this and is another unexpected summary of the prophecies). Each day I feel that missing piece in the puzzle is drawing closer in God’s hand. I don’t feel so uneasy that people object that I’m doing and believing in things that others haven’t done or said within the circle of my friends and family. I’m not up to doing the ordinary, I’m up to doing what is ordinary to God. Although this is so cliché, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something that may be out of the box. I have battled many times with the fact that the people closest to me can be the worst supporters. Every where you go, every one will have a great idea for your life. The fact of the matter is, that God has a BETTER idea for your life. Surround yourself with mentors and people that you can take faith queue’s from. I have been blessed to have mentors that I am able to share my life with and vice versa. Although I haven’t always listened to them at first, trust me, their God-given wisdom WILL come into place when you need it the most.

Some of you may have no idea where God is leading you in His purpose. If you are one of those people, look at the things that God pulls your heart strings with, the things that don’t shock you but shock others, your blossoming hopes and dreams, your convictions, etc. I thank God that he has confirmed for me ever since I was 10, without a doubt, what direction he wants me to head in. There is no question I am meant to be a psychologist in ministry. Signs of confirmation stare at me when I look at horrible Romanian slums and I am not shocked, but encouraged that there is hope and that God can prepare me to be one of those people who builds up the next generation for God. I want to be amongst the most humble means so that I can understand the wealth of God’s power. I am being prepared to be a person who ministers within the “weathly” Christian community, the prostitutes, the bums, the alcoholics, the drug addicts, the orphaned and abandoned children, the single-parents, the diseased, the wife-beaters, the street people, the shirt and ties, and the blue collard. I am a person born to bring out controversy for righteousness and to bring the wisdom, grace, and love of God to whom ever it may be. This is my calling.

In this whole process, I am praying that I am strong enough to let God hack off my rough edges (Those who are close, please be patient with me). I am also praying that God continues to give me the discretion that I need to know when the time comes to get up and run. I am always called as a Saint, but sometimes a stand-by status is needed.One major lesson I am learning is that THINGS and PEOPLE will NEVER complete who I am. In all objectivity, I don’t NEED my family and their approval, I don’t NEED a guy to make me feel unique and special, I don’t NEED money, I don’t NEED my education and dream of England, I don’t NEED my house, my car, my guitar, my computer, my cds, and everything else. It may sound harsh but the bare truth = ALL I NEED IS CHRIST. He makes me complete and has all the abundance in His kingdom for me, NOT in the world. If you feel yourself saying that statement and then in your heart you hear a “but…” then you know you need a re-evaluation. I know I did. It’s a risky life to live by this statement. Are you up to it? Are you up to what’s ordinary to God?

When the time comes, I will be ready to leave my extra traveler’s bag behind, my extra coat, my extra sandals, and my walking stick (Matt 10:9-14).

Until then I say…

I am Called. I am Chosen. I am a Child of God. I am boldly Natalie Steele.

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Nothing Else To Lose But ME

I fall to my knees,
then to run again;
Away from my friends
and you, my lamb.

I fall to my knees,
then burn again;
Not for you, my
saviour friend.
I have been looking
to myself on the cross.

I fall to my knees,
in weeping sin,
I am covered by
blood outside-in.
Keep me from saving
what is not lost.

I fall to my knees
from this dizzy spin,
It's taunting guiltiness
draws me in.
I have been lured
by a nasty lie.

Nothing seems to matter
when you are hardened
within.
All feels cold, defenseless
and dim.
Pull on the shade
to bring some light.
AH! Who knew this would be so bright!
In a world, I have
sunken back to,
I need your love to pull me through.

To let go of the gaurd,
once and for all.
I could let you spread my wings
and make me stand tall.
I need to trust,
so I can lean back and fall,
get off my high horse
and jump from my Berlin wall...
crumbling behing me.

I fall to my knees,
afraid to land.
Teach me how to hold
your hand.
I've been struggling to
admitt that I am weak and lost.

I fall to my knees,
at the bottom of it all.
Beneath the mire;
The truth screams.
All I need is you, Lord
It's you, Lord
All I need is you...

"When the world keeps spinning 'round, there's nothing left to lose but me."

~Natalie M. Steele
May 5, 2005

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We Are All Artists at Heart

Recently I attended Vineyard Worship Summit 2005, endowed with the theme “Finding Our Voices: Values We Live By.” The purpose of the 2005 Summit was to find out who we are as individuals created by God to worship Him, and where our artistic voices lie in His master plan for us, as well as in/outside the church community. Although this seems simple enough, we did a lot of searching to find the full beauty of what God meant to be worship through “artistic” means. Simply said, we searched for the meaning of artistic integrity. Prayer for each other, group discussion, and listening to the heart of God were our main vehicles to help us in this search.

During this summit, there was a pivotal point for me, amongst many overwhelming words and lessons. It was a peak at the full realization of how artistry and worship fit together in everyday life. My eyes were opened to the many facets of artistry as worship. Being an artist does not mean u HAVE to be a guitarist or a painter or an actor. God does not constrict artistry within such tight boundaries.

This Summit was a celebration, a liberation for graphic designers, architects, musicians, painters, actors, poets, writers, gardeners, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, mentors, mechanics, film makers, home makers, hospitality, computer programmers…. the list could go on! It was liberation in a sense that this Summit equipped us with the means to express our God-given voice within a haven-like setting. The barriers of what is “acceptable” and “not acceptable” worship were broken down. At times, it was even awkward for us to break out of the traditional mould. I felt myself being shocked that people were drawing/painting, writing, on their laptops, etc. while worship was being led. Even at the age of 20, I have been influenced by the traditional views of worship. What to do, what not to do, what IS worship, and what definitely IS NOT worship. We did all the things that the church culture would frown upon, because it was “disrespectful”, in total freedom! These were the things that allowed us the individual outlets of worshipful expression! GOD CREATED US ALL TO WORSHIP IN DIFFERENT WAYS! All of who we are in our living purpose drives us to be artists in individual ways. Believe me when I say that all of this was a breath of fresh air!

If you are saying to yourself, “I don’t know where I heck I fit in!?”, don’t worry. Just sit back, take a look at yourself through God’s eyes, and think about what activity drives you, gives you overflowing passion and joy. THAT is your purpose, THAT is your art, THAT is your worship. Our idea of worship is full of church politics, “upright”, and in the box. God’s idea of worship is full of freedom, joy, and OUT of the conventional box. Encourage yourself to worship the way you feel you were meant to, even if you think u look totally daft. In doing so, you will be celebrating YOU through God’s eyes of purity. I guarantee you that you will experience a fire being poured into your life.

God Bless You,
Natalie M. Steele


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“Taking It Out Of The Regular Boundaries”

As this title suggests, sometimes the things you thought didn’t work at all together, one day come together. God has been connecting the most regularly unconnectible for me. Take the scriptures Mark 2:12 and 1 Corinthians 2:12 for example. Don’t think that the story of the paralytic and Paul’s words don’t connect? WRONG!

Mark 2:12 (ESV) reads;

And he rose and immediately picked up his bed and went out before them all, so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, “We never saw anything like this!”

This passage is not limited to pointing out “blind faith”, on the part of the paralytic, and Jesus’ healing ministry, that professed the freedom that he was to bring for us. It points out that our situations/attitudes often make it easy to become crippled by what we are going through. When we handle our attitudes/situations while trusting Christ, like the paralytic and his friends did, he can bring healing as well as make our lives an example of His power. Only then, will people be able to say, “WOW! We have never seen anything like this before!” If we are desperate enough to get to Jesus [even being lowered through a roof], then that is when He can do the most work for us and through us! Because the amazing work by God is shown, all will glorify His name. This includes our pure belief and acceptance that His love and freedom are at no cost to us. That is what makes His Holy Spirit so evidently powerful in our lives to others. God purposely does the things that no one has ever seen before so that His mark has a particular significance in one’s life. I guess you could say that it’s His thumbprint, His signature upon us, reaffirming our need to trace our hearts and paths back to Him. Therefore, His work in our lives is always a reminder of our roots as His creation, as spiritual beings, and our purpose; TO PRAISE HIM!

1 Corinthians 2:12 (ESV) reads;

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God.

God has empowered us with His spirit, which bears all the tools that we need to get through life and understand everything beyond ourselves. The Holy Spirit is the most qualified to help us through times of uncertainty, because he infuses into our minds the knowledge (tools) needed to equip ourselves to handle life’s chaos. The Holy Spirit is a helper to us –bringing out the best in our lives. In the highlights of our lives, that is when God is glorified. THAT is when people will step back in awe and in praise!

In all things, God shall be praised for HE TRULY is every part of who we are and who we will be.

To God be ALL the glory!


Galatians 5:1 (ESV) reads;

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Lord,

"I was nothing and you built me up. I was everything in the world and you broke me down.I admitted that I was nothing without you, And you came and filled me."

Help me to believe and accept your grace upon my life, given through your Son, like a child. Let me never again submit to a yoke of slavery. Reaffirm in me daily the power that you have given me over the spirit of the world. I HAVE BEEN SET FREE AND U HAVE ALREADY WON MY HEART! Continue to win my heart each day that I live and bring me closer to yours Abba father.

Empty me. Break me. Mold me. Fill me. Use me for the glory of your kingdom!

In your service,
Natalie M. Steele

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“Emerald in the Rough”

Most recently, God has given me a new understanding about suffering and intimate His role in our lives. Even as I write and read my own words, He brings revelations upon my heart. His love and grace speaks of the intimate connection that He has overwhelmingly invested in each of us. No other 2nd, 3rd, 4th or millionth chance could be given by any one else BUT God, because every bit of us is part of His carefully planned purpose. While reading 1 Corinthians 12:12 the other day, the weight of this hit me.

“For just as the body is ONE and has many members of the body, through many, are ONE body, so it is with Christ.”

I have read this verse many times in my life and looked no deeper than the word. Where does intimacy come into play you ask? The key parts of this verse are those referring to being ONE with the body of Christ (both in a church community but also, on an individual level). If thought about, being “ONE” with the body of Christ is quite personal and intimate. When we become born again, we become one with God in a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual way. Just like in the act of sex, all of Christ and ourselves is connected on an exclusively coupled intimacy that no other could understand or have; much of why sex between a married couple is so sacred. In our single lives and into our marriage God is our spouse, our intimate with whom we share a level of closeness like none other.

Now, you can see why, in such an intense level of intimacy, God understands EVERYTHING in our lives. Christ is literally a part of us. He feels when are sad, in pain, sorrow, when we praise Him and experience joy, 3 fold. Imagine how unimaginable and unbearable all of those things would feel to us if we took His place. Our senses would drive us to a total breakdown. Moreover, Christ gave up His crown to become human and because His experience as a human, it adds weight to the intimacy with us. TRUST ME when I say that Christ UNDERSTANDS. Everything that we feel, He feels. Everything that happens to us, happens to Him. This is why our suffering is so close to His heart.

My newfound understanding of Christ’s oneness with me, given me more reason to treat my body honourably and respect Him in that. It is my prayer that He will reveal the sacred nature of oneness with Him to you, therefore bringing you to a new perspective in your relationship with Him.

Please, If anyone has anything to add to this post, DO! I would love to hear what God has revealed in your heart about this subject. E-mail me and I will edit my post to include your comments.

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"The Riot"

Courtship vs. Dating

After going through the principles in Chapter 5, More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers (Harris, boymeetsgirl, 2000), I realized that I should have defined the difference between dating and courtship for those that are confused. So, without applying too much legality, I'm going to attempt to portray the "personalities" of each avenue.

Courtship says goodbye to unguided and directionless relationships that serve the purpose of self, short-term gratification and pushing the boundaries of purity. This unfortunately, often characterizes dating. Christians alike, dating has frequently neglected the educated and prepared decision to enter the relationship. Many dating relationships have been based on the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy. No amount of biblical rules could prevent this relationship from infringing upon un-Godly ground. When a relationship trusts in the false security of humanly-hopeful rules and not in God, it is already in grave jeopardy.

Courtship is carefully plotted by God and attentively applied by the individuals involved. It is a romantic relationship full of purpose and fully developed in marriage. Courtship employs unselfishness, wisdom, patient intimacy and lead by God and integrity. It is an intense and unique experience between two faithful individuals. This is a relationship that invites the whole community to act as support to encourage the best qualities in courtship. Therefore, making it a character building experience. 1 Corinthians 13 could be called the spoken example of what a relationship, like courtship, should accomplish; selfless love in all areas.

One could say that dating implies posession of one another and courtship implies God's posession of us in the relationship.

It is always beneficial to refine our thinking with issues such as this. But, we must be careful not to get caught up in the logistics. No matter what we call our commited relationships, the way we conduct ourselves in them is what counts. We must not allow terms to define our living, but instead to let our living define terms.

Here are some questions to keep in mind while searching for God's purpose for you in courtship (Harris, pg.32):

1) What's my motive for being in a relationship?

2) How can I live for God as I pursue marriage?

3) How can I stop living selfishly?

4) How can I serve others?

5) What am I living for and how am I living?

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If We Are Not A Couple and Not JUST Friends...What Are We?! (Part 2)

The Three Areas of Blossoming and Protecting

*Friendship*

The single and most impacting thing on your courtship is cementing your friendship. This is one common ground that needs no pressure to spark romantic feelings or to immediately figure out compatability for marriage. As your friendship develops, so will the other details.

Deepening in friendship means much learning about eachother through conversation and behaviour. It also means enjoying one another's company in quality and realistic settings.

At first, do not concentrate on all the specific details for "perfect" dates. Allow for settings and activities that encourage enjoyment of eachother, good conversation, and to relax. Also, share the various parts of your life from the every-day task to the exciting events. Experiencing the opportunity to serve together in various settings can be a positive eye-opener to each other's character.

The purpose of involving each individual in their own natural environments is to show an accurate depiction of the "real you." In courtship, inclusion in each partners world is important to create a sense of community between them and those who support each individual. Later on in the courtship, community will become an important part of accountability.

Protecting each other's hearts during the period of "friendship" means securing that it has good pace, focus, and space.

1) Pace
Don't rush building a good foundation. Becoming best friends in the first week may not be the best idea. Let nature take its time and ensure continual investment to be nurtured. Don't hurry or squeeze your way into each other's lives.

2) Focus
Be careful not to focus your energy on intimacy and emotional dependence. These are premature until the yellow light turns full on green. For now, just get to know eachother. In the first steps of courtship, involve yourselves in activites that do not concentrate on being a couple. Guard your conversations against talking about the relationship. Instead, talk to God about it. Seek to learn about the each other. Do not promise more intimacy than what has been rightfully given. Focuses will shift on their own as the climate of the courtship changes. Access to each other's hearts will be given as commitment and confidences deepen.

3) Space
At the start of your courtship be committed to not allowing you relationship to crowd other relationships with friends and family. Be careful not to become threatened by other relationships that the other person has. The degree of your of your exclusiveness in the early stages of courtship will predict if your dependency is more than what is wise at the time. Remain faithful to your commitments, friends and family. Progressively as the relationship continues, avenues will be made to spend more time together. Travel cauticiously!

*Fellowship*

As you discover what your relationship holds, it is important to ensure that it has a firm spiritual foundation. The defining common passion in your relationship should be God. A firm spiritual foundation found in God will outstand the test of time and the most trying situations. Courtship is a chance to blossom in your common desire for God and learn to challenge each other to develop in faith.

Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives -- the reality of Jesus Christ and His work in us. It involved praying together as well as talking about what God is teaching us and showing us (Harris, pg. 88).

It is God's calling upon men to lead in biblical fellowship. Make an effort to discover how you can pray for one another. Also, make the time to discuss each other's personal revelations in your walk with God.

Ways to encourage fellowship together include; reading Christian books, discussing sermons after the service and how you are going to practice the presented issues.

Harris (pg. 88) quotes:

"Another part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Nate, a young man from Great Britain, did this in his courtship with Claire by inviting her to point out any areas in his life. 'I would consistently ask if she saw any attitudes or behaviours that were offensive or dishonoring to her, others, or to God.' "

Protecting the fruit of Godly fellowship means growing in your desire and love for God, and not your emotional reliance upon one another. Your objective is to direct each other towards God. This is how all the ideas for shared fellowship are protected from abuse. It is inappropriate to use spiritual acitivities as a source for snatching more intimacy than is granted in the relationship.

Satan has a way of decieving us in things that are "spiritual" and seem appropriate, but are not. One area that is particularly sensitive is confessing sexual sins to each other. Accountability, in the right context, can be positive but NEVER should sexual sins be part of the picture. These intimate confessions could concieve paths that were NEVER intended to be traveled upon. When dealing with accountability in a sexual matter, one should be partnered with a member of the same sex.

Another precaution we must take is confirming that we are not trying to replace God in each other's lives. If your source of comfort, encouragement, and strength comes not from God, there is a major problem. Always maintain in your personal relationship with God that HE is your first and only source of true fulfillment before any other.

*Romance*

In this three ingredient mixture, romance has been left till last. Romance should only be an added ingredient when friendship and fellowship have well stirred.

The essence of pure romance is pursuit -- a man showing care, affection and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind (Harris, pg. 89).

Romance is not the first focus in courtship, but it is still needed in the equation. Never think that "Christian courtship" means stale romance. These romantic feelings and pure non-intimate actions are an elemental part of this stage of courtship. "If God is confirming the wisdom and rightness of the relationship, romantic feelings should be seen as a good thing and as a gift from God" (Harris, pg. 89). Submission to God in feelings of affection and love is the aim for courtship, not to stifle them.

As leaders, men have the honour of being "...the initiators of romantic expression." Remember guys; it is not out of order to express genuine affection throughout the relationship (Romans 12:10). Such things as sending frequent e-mails to say that your partner is in your thoughts, or notes and cards with encouragement, or flowers. A woman's idea of romance is doing the small things that let her know that she is on a man's mind and in his heart.

If your courtship leads to marriage the romance doesn't stop there. These skills are meant to be carried thoughout the rest of your lives together. Romance keeps the joy and spark in a marriage because it is a reminder of each partner's qualities that were first embraced and loved. Most of all, it keeps appreciation for each other alive.

A safe guideline for the do's and don'ts of courtship is that "...we never want our romantic expression to promise more commitment than we would be ready to express in words." (Harris, pg. 90) Romantic expression should naturally grow as the confidence about the promise of marriage increases. The purpose of this guideline is to bring about realism and to enable honouring the other party involved. A man's expression should be appropriately serving his sister in Christ (honouring, guarding and encouraging).

In response to a man's romantic expression, ladies should respond appropriately as his expression increases. A ladies expression should match that of a mans, but careful not to override his expression. Harris (pg. 91)gives an example:

"As [Steve] picked up the pace romanticly, [Nicole] reciprocated. When Steve took a trip with some friends, she arranged little surprises and notes for each day of [Steve's] travel. First, [Nicole] baked his favourite brownies and had a flight attendant deliver them to him on the plane. Then when [Steve] arrived at the home where he was to stay, his favourite ice cream was waiting in the freezer....Steve and Nicole are growing in their romance at an appropriate time in their relationship and for the right reasons."

At the time when God plants a desire for marriage in a man's heart, this is when he can begin to actively pursue to capture a woman's heart. This pursuit is not wrong, as long as it honours God -- a man's intentions are pure. God created this wooing process to indicate a sign of life-long commitment.

Harris (pg. 91) speaks again:

"What does it mean to guard our hearts with regard to romance? In my relationship with Shannon, the principle that guided me was simple. Romance during our courtship needed to flow out of deepening commitment. I refused to stroke the fires of romantic zeal before I knew I wanted to marry her. Doing so might have led to short-term enjoyment, but it would have deeply hurt her eventually. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret (Song of Songs 2:7)."

A carefully guided example of this implementation is when to introduce the words "I love you." On many occasions, I have been burned with these precious words, meant to express great affection and commitment. Sometimes the most intimate expressions meant to be loving, are the most hurtful when expressed impatiently, and not in the best interest of the other person. The words "I love you" promise a level of commitment that assumes marriage. If God has not confirmed with you that you are to be married, limit your affections to actions and continue to pray for the appropriate timing of this particular expression. Consulting God on this issue is the best thing that you can do. He is the best judge and He reminds us not to act in foolishness. There is no firm rule on when to speak out "I love you" but the best way to ensure its deep meaning is to save it for a unique time in your relationship. Wisdom is the key.

The Excitement Presses On

Couples blossoming in the three areas of friendship, fellowship, and romance, are encouraged to still contemplate their roles as men and women, practice authentic communication, and follow through with a plan for sexual purity.

Some would say that it is unrealistic to be more than friends, less than lovers and to be wise in courtship, but I would have to disagree. When we are lead by the ideals of loving each other in a Christ-like manner and to wisely search out marriage it is possible to carry-out a life-long friendship and love affair in marriage.

Note: Chapter 5 of boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has been adapted to suit the writer of this article. All other direct mentions of boymeetsgirl have been referenced to the original writer, Joshua Harris.
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If We Are Not a Couple and Not JUST Friends...What Are WE?! (revised)

For this blog (and a series), I’m going to continue with my courtship slanted theme. As you might have noticed, boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has had quite an influence on me most recently. I have made so many horrible mistakes in past relationships because I was so TOTALLY confused on the Christian perspective of dating and courtship [YES, there is a difference!]. The world at times clouds the clarity that Christ gives us, due to our ill knowledge of the real truth. Some might argue that this is an unfair statement, but when an individual grows up in such a climate that sexual sins are acceptable, what then is normal? These were the kind of questions that I started searcing for. As I reach my new decade in life, and as I start longing for the man of God's design, I increasingly also desire to know the heart of God when it comes to courtship. When the next time comes around, I want to be fulfilled by God first and know his will for me. I want to get it right, or at least say I did it honourably. With this, I’m going to leave you with a series of excerpts from boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris (I recommend this book to everyone! It was a surprising help!), starting with Chapter 5, More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers.

Chapter 5
More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers

Correct Definitions

An important question to ask yourself before you begin seeking God's purpose for marriage is; what does a successful courtship mean? Most often, societal influences dictate that a successful courtship results in engagement and a happy wedding. Looking closer, this is a nonsensical notion.

Ideally, engagement is a good thing. Unfortunately, couples today often base their engagement entirely on emotions or fleeting passion, rather than on realistic facts and God-given foresight. Therefore, a courtship that results in a foolish engagement cannot be considered a success! Neither can a courtship that was filthy with haughtyness, devious management, and sexual sin be named a success, even if resulting in a happy engagement. If this is so, than how can a couples marriage improve without God's blessing in the beginning? This is a strong concern from the early stages of courtship through engagement to marriage.

Blossoming and Protecting

It is evident that our definition of success in courtship needs to be clarified. If engagement if not our final goal, what should be?

According to Joshua Harris, two central priorities must be established in a God-worshipping, carefully-guided courtship. "The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and wise decision about marriage. In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other’s character, but we also want to guard each other’s heart because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown. "

From the start of a courtship, each individual is uncertain of marriage. Part of this decision is made by spending time together, discovering interaction with each other, and observing one another's character. This is the meaning of growing closer without need for physically intimate interaction. Saying this, the motivating factor for treating each other with integrity should be the knowledge that the future is unknown, and in whatever circumstance, the outcome should be positive when reflected upon. If all parties were honored and treated well, regret will not be needed. Second Corinthians 1:12 is an example of what every Christian couple should be able to apply to the end of their courtship.

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.

Rather than defining engagement as the outcome of courtship, our ambition should be to treat each other with integrity, make the correct decision about marriage, and have peace about our behaviour. Harris reflects:

My Friend Leonard, a single man in his thirties was disappointed when Rita broke off their courtship. But because he had acted appropriately towards her, he had the peace that comes with clear conscience.

"Sure my pride was hurt,' Leonard says. "I asked myself ‘Why?’ and ‘What went wrong?’ many times. But consider our courtship a success because I was able to walk away from it praising God that I had served and honoured my sister in Christ. I treated her with the respect a child of God deserves. To the best of my ability, my motives, thought, words, and actions were in the right place.” (Harris, pg 84)

High Wire Act

The upkeep of priorities of blossoming and protecting make courtship a high-wire act. One move could with positively or negatively affect the courtship. Considering marriage is the sharp purpose of courtship, but one must resist the idea of expecting the outcome as marriage.

It reminds me of a high-wire circus act. Have you ever watched a performer traverse a wire a hundred feet in the air? If you have, you know that the secret to their safety is the balancing pole they carry. Holding it horizontally with both hands keeps the performer from losing balance and falling off the wire. (Harris, pg.84)

Courtship is a fine balnce between friendship and marriage. The two priorities, mentioned earlier by Harris, are at each end of the balancing pole. Each individual must help each other as a team to keep the pole in the middle, equal in balance. If this is done, two different scenarios will be prevented; 1) Too guarded--> stunted growth in relationship, 2) Too close, too fast --> emotional injury or foolish choices in the future.

There is a healthy tension you should desire to maintain. If marriage is in God's will for you, you won't need to protect your hearts -- you will be placed in each other's complete possession. There is no doubt that this time in your relationship will be greatly cherished, exhilarating, and blessed by God. BUT remember, the knowledge that God's will for your relationship is marriage, does not mean that all caution be thrown to the wind! In whatever circumstance in our lives, God requires integrity, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Harris (pg. 85) Quotes:

"I’ll never forget Valentine’s Day during my courtship with Shannon. How wonderfully awkward it was! On the holiday for lovers, I wasen’t sure how to address her. She was my friend, but then we were more than friends. So we were more than friends, but not quite lovers. I felt like I was back in the seventh grade agonizing over the meaning of the words on valentines! In a card I spent hours writing I asked, 'How do you guard a girl’s heart while attempting to tell her how special she is? Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship?'

My questions captured the healthy tension of courtship. Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship? It sounds funny, but I think you can. It’s part of the process of letting romance blossom slowly under a watchful eye of prudence and self-control. You’re more than friends, so you can determine whether you should join your lives in marriage, but you’re also less than loves – your hearts and bodies don’t yet belong to each other. "

Sit back and relax. Don't bussle through. Don't detest or hustle the middle time of courtship, even though you often feel the nagging tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the necessity to blossom and protect during courtship is a fulfilling part of hiking towards "marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity." (Harris, pg. 85)

For courtship to be a loud success and a joy, we need to blossom and protect in three areas: friendship, fellowship, and romance. Next, let's look at the healthy balance of each.

To Be Continued….Next Blog Up!

Note: Chapter 5 of boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has been adapted to suit the writer of this article. All other direct mentions of boymeetsgirl have been referenced to the original writer, Joshua Harris.

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For All That She's Meant to Be, God Called Her WOMAN

Most recently, while reading boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris (all of you out there should have this book!), I have noticed how mixed up the ideas are about equality, even amongst Christians. I would like to share this tidbit with all of you. A female friend sent this to me and I thought that it outlined the perfect definition of God's idea of equality between the sexes.

" A Woman"
This is written in the Hebrew Talmud. This is the book where all the sayings and wise words of Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:

" Be careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of man's rib. Not from his feet to be trampled on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

It is my prayer that Christian men recognize who they are, what role God has given to them, and learn to cherish it, as well as the woman around them like Christ would. It is my prayer for Christian woman that they to recognize who they are, what role God has given them, to understand that men are not the oppressors, and woman are NOT the victims. Our society in general has given a bad rep, and gravely misconcieved the Christian idea of equality. Although there are extremes, God is not involved in those, HUMANS are. I encourage all of you to involve God in the process of your discovery about what equality between the sexes means to you. Forget everything that the world has ever taught you about equality. Start with a fresh slate! God Bless you!

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Blessed Are Those....Good Friends That Are A Rare Commodity

I know what you are thinking..."It's about time that you wrote a blog Natalie!!" Many changes have been happening in my life, and I've been learning to appreciate God's timing as well as His grace. I've also noticed that good friends are hard to come by. Don't get me wrong, I love mentoring my younger siblings in Christ, and I love the friends I have. It's just that sometimes I wish I could find more "real" and "genuine" people that can equally sharpen my iron and I theirs in every respect. At this point in my life, I am praying for those kind of friends whose mutual confidence and spitirual wisdom is reason for empowerment. I am praying for friends who stick with me, who hang with me, even in the most mundane situations. I love letting loose and having fun but I also enjoy my down time. When I am not loud, I am quite inward and deep. Really, anything goes for me (with discretion), as long as I am spending time with my dear friend(s). I'm not a person who entertains her "guests" for the sake of their enjoyment. I like to be me... Just the one and only Natalie without the frills to impress. I just want those around me to know that I have nothing to hide. All of my flaws are openly displayed in acknowledgement of my blatant imperfection. I just want people to know they can be the same way with me.

All of this mixture has brought some difficulty over the years. I have had great experiences with receptive people. I've also had bad experiences with people who thought it was rude of me not to go out of my way to impress them in a show of extravagance. Although, I believe that what I desire in a friendship is not wrong, I have doubted the validity of such desires. Many questions have gone through my mind, mostly pointing the finger back at myself. I wonder, "am I asking too much?", "am I pushing people to perform for my expectation of friendship, even if I don't intend to?", and "am I such an arrogant and prideful human that I have overlooked what is before me?" Sometimes I joke with myself that what I am asking for is actually the specifications of a husband (which I'd very much like!).

Before you get the feeling that I'm complaining about what I lack, I actually want to encourage you to step up to the plate to be a friend of God to others. WWJD is not a reminder limited to simply conviction of right or wrong. Whether you wear the bracelet or not, don't pull a WWJD stunt without showing the whole spectrum of His love to Christians, and non-Christians alike. Fo-shizlle my Christizzlles. A famous scripture that spells this out is spoken by Jesus.

" I command you to love each other in the same way I love you. And here is how to measure it - the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends." John 15:12-13

Jesus was the ultimate example. He proved His friendship to us in the most extraordinary way, going above and beyond what we thought we were worth.

Another example of friendship is the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 23. They had an ordinary friendship but what set them apart in their relationship is that they had an extraordinary God right in the centre! Their friendship points out key affirmations of a friendship.

1. "I will be there for you in times of trouble"
- Jonathan had commitment to David in the face of adversity and possible death.
- He presented God as the answer to David's problems and NOT himself.

2. Are your friends stronger or weaker for the time that they spend with you?
- Jonathan and David consistently challenged eachother by making an environment of honor and accountability --> constant sharpening of each other.

3. "I will seek to be a source of emotional stability for you."
- Jonathan traveled a long distance, risking his life, to comfort David a time of trouble.

4. "I will be a self-afacing and loyal to you no matter what the cost."
-Loyalty means that two people help eachother grow up in God through their trials (Prov 18:24).
- A loyal friend will put aside their desires to recognize what God wants for YOU.

These examples can live outside the Bible through all of us. It's not so untangible that we can't step out of our own little world's and towards others. What's to loose besides pride and image? We don't need those anyway! And if you are worried that people will find out that you are not perfect, it's kind of too late! All the more reason to learn what "drawing upon Jesus" means (no art supplies included). For those of you who have stepped out, I am SOOO thankful. I applaud your servanthood. Won't you send some of that my way? LOL.

A friend being a friend in service to God will always be the best kind....Blessed are those good friends that are a rare commodity.


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Burning Wick

O LORD, Burn me!
Through my wickedness
I curse your name
I encourage you to
Burn me!
Burn me for all that
scars your body
Let your flame be at my
center,
Your fire burns through
me
I am your wick
Light Your fire, O LORD
Burn away me!
For more of you

O LORD, Burn me!
Ignite my soul to
praise you passionately
I enthrall you to
Burn me
Burn me for all that you
want me to be
Melt my rotten wax
away,
Mold my heart to be
uncontainable
I am your wick,
Light your fire, O LORD
Burn away me!
For less of me,
and more of you.

Natalie M. Steele (NMS Copyright)
July 9, 2004

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Just a Prayer...

O Lord, I love to be still in your presence.
You are the only way I can't "escape" from everything.
I can walk into your chambers every minute of my day
without scheduling a time or asking for a holiday.
When I run to you in your throne room, everything stops
because I am your child.
You are my place of rest, of peace, of blessing, of wisdom,
of discipline and of love.
You are not a cure-for-all, quick-fix God.
Instead, you walk us through the cure with trial and blessing
molding us through time, to be what you intended us to be.
There is no "fixing" that needs to be done, for what
you have made needs not fixing but sculpting.

O Lord, I am on your potters wheel.
Smooth over my bumps that keep you from filling my life.
Mold me into a nurtured, strong and able vessel to hold
your holy oil.
Empty out my spoiled liquid for more of you.
Fill me with your wisdom and passion to share with others.
Let me not be a vessel that people will be afraid to touch,
to be around because they may see fragility.
Let others see my imperfections, my weaknesses.
Let me not simply appear real but to be
genuinely real through and through.

Oh, how I desperately want to dwell in your presence
all the days of my life.
There is no one else I love more than you.
There is no one else that I would rather give my life for.
My love is like betrayal to those I love on earth.
You see me in my weakest moments,
in my quiet hours,
in my joy and jubilation.
You know the hiding place in my heart.
You know my every thought and act.
In all of these things, I take comfort and shelter.
For you are my ultimate judge.

None other can place their judgments before yours.
I do not fear nor fret their thought against me,
for only your thoughts matter to me.
Only yours are of untitled worth.
My value comes from you and in that,
I cannot be of estimated value in the world.

For your discipline, I am not able to give enough gratitude.
Remind me of your ways each living hour.
Steer me on your path of promise.
Enlarge my heart for my family, for my friends,
and for those who need your love more desperately
than I.
Whilst enlarging my heart, toughen my exterior
to rough waves.
Bring to mind the significance of being your
disciple.
Let me hold fast to your truth in all that I do,
so that I may honor you.

Empty me. Break me. Mold me. Fill me. Use me for your Kingdom...

Love,
Your child


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Mad For God or Drunk For The World? (Part 2)

After much prayer over Jamie's response to my last post about drinking and his father's experience in Korea, I came to a solid conclusion (Based on 1 Cor 9). I realized the differentiation between going to a bar/party with your friends to have one drink (or none) and having a drink in a cultural setting. In the case of going to a bar or party where you know there is going to be drinking, and you might be convinced to come down from your platform, you are participating in a sinful culture. It's all to do with your intentions and motivation of being in an immoral environment. Are you reallly there to be a tall standing, well-adjusted witness? Or are you in the process of trying to convince yourself that your presence is a good witness and that there is nothing wrong with following where the crowd is heading? Who are you trying to please? Are you seeking the approval of God or man? There is a bold line where you are blind from God's truth, due to your own neglect of your screaming conscience and self-deception. Being a Christian is NOT about following the crowd. No matter how you put it, hanging with your friends in a place that endorses an environmental practice of iniquity, selfishness, and rejecting the will of God, YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN SIN because you are not standing for righteousness. Drink or no drink, there is no excuse! The "Alcohol Culture" is not a culture at all, but simply a lifestyle full of sin.

Using Mr. Grant's situation (for an explaination of cultural setting w/ alcohol), he was not walking in sin because he was participating in a cultural tradtition. Confused?? I'll explain more. The intention of the men was not to get drunk, or to get Mr. Grant drunk, but in cultural tradition to provide a relaxed social environment. It's like the Korean style of meeting at a North American coffee shop to have a meeting, or to indulge in eachother's lives. Two drinks symbolized the welcoming of Mr. Grant into their culture, their lives, and as a friend. Mr. Grant's intentions and motivations for taking a drink with the men were pure. It was a way to say in actions,"I am your friend. I am interested in your well-being, in your lives, and in your culture. I'm not going to judge you because you are not a Christian." In this way he was not following along with the crowd in sin. His simple act of two drinks opened of the doors for a solid witness because he showed that he took the time and energy to find out who these men were, to welcome them into his life. Mr. Grant essentially went out of his way to respect their culture. Mr. Grant did provide a good witness. Paul reinforces this view in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23, when he says the following;

"...I have become a servant of everyone so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with the Jews, I become one of them so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with those who follow the Jewish laws, I do the same, even though I am not subject to the law, so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with the Gentiles who do not have the Jewish law, I fit in with them as much as I can. In this way, I gain their confidence and bring them to Christ. But I do not discard the law of God; I obey the law of Christ.

When I am with those who are oppressed, I share their oppression so that I might bring them to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone so that I might bring them to Christ. I do all this to spread the Good News, and in doing so I enjoy its blessings."

Paul states that He goes out of his way to find common ground. BUT he does not let his own personal morals and the laws of Christ to be pushed aside and neglected. He stands firm in his beliefs while finding common ground. A Christian that proclaims that He is such and lets the laws of his faith waiver, will not prove to be a worthy witness for God. Those who stand firm for God no matter what the circumstance will be blessed! As Christians, I believe that it is ESSENTIAL to ask for the Holy Spirit's wisdom and discernment DAILY so that we are less likely to stray from his narrow path. Bellow I have provided a nifty "Checklist" that outlines the questions that we should ask ourselves when making choices in sensitive issues (1 Corinthians).

Loads of Love and God Bless!
Natalie M. Steele


MAKING CHOICES
IN SENSITIVE ISSUES

All of us make hundreds of choices every day. Most choices have no right or wrong attached to them -- like what to wear or what to eat. But we always face decisions that carry a little more weight. We don’t want to do wrong, and we don’t want to cause others to do wrong. So how can we make right decisions?

If I choose one course of action . . .

. . .Am I motivated by a desire to help others know Christ?(9:23, 10:33)

. . .Will it encourage someone else to sin?(10:32)

. . .Will I be acting lovingly or selfishly?(10:28-31)

. . .Will it glorify God?(10:31)

. . .Will it help my witness for Christ?(9:19-22)

. . .Is it against a specific command in scripture and thus will cause me to sin?(10:12)

. . .Will it help me do my best? (9:25)

. . . Will it be best and helpful? (10:23, 33)

. . .Will I be only thinking of myself, or do I truly care about the other person?
(10:24)


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