Finding Your Way Back Home

Sometimes when there's an upheaval in your life, you seem to get on a path that was not intended. You get to a point where you wonder how you got there. You feel over your head. Some days you are pushing through instead of working through. Where's the peace? Where's the unity? Where's the place of restoration or refuge? You totally forget to depend on God and you realize that you've ben trying to do everything on your own. How can you find your way back home? To the place that you can be covered in grace.

I have just realized this fact in my own life and asked the question. I'm still not sure how to answer that question, except just to reach for God and hang on, while asking for constant guidance. I'll be the first to admitt that I fail more than succeed because of pride. I find that in this upheaval, I'm grieving for the things that were supposed to be and maybe what was lost. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret what has happened. You've always got to move onto something better. One thing I've tried to stop doing is trying on my own. Rather, I've stopped trying raise up the passions of faith that I desire and started praying for God to do that. This eliminates the guilt cycle (I've tried everything and yet failed you Lord! WHY?! I'm a bad Christian. I'm sorry God help me. Oops I've tried and failed again. Sorry God! I give up!) that many Christians get stuck in, eventually making them feel helpless to improve.

All of this situation reminds me of a vision I had. All around me were green feilds and in the middle ahead of me was an uphill cobble stone path. There were various sizes of stones and spaces in between them where the grass had organically peeked up. Some of the stones were smooth and others rough. I was wearing high heeled boots while trying to walk up this path. Because I am not skilled in walking in high heels I was having a difficult time walking with style. It was a blancing act. I had a choice to walk on the smooth stones that had been worn from others use or choose to walk upon the part of the path less traveled. A third choice would be to slip through the cracks to the green grass, where I would be stuck in the soft ground with my heels, but maybe a little more comfortable in complacency. At least I wouldn't have to go any further. But then I ask myself, what would I gain from this? Will this make me a better person for giving up?

This subject recalls in my mind a poignant conversation that my big brother and I had in the car one day. It was all about stepping stones; going through tough situations to establish stepping stones behind for others as well as carrying them with me. It doesn't mean leaving all the bad stuff behind for others to torture themselves with, but rather allowing your steps to smooth out the cobble stone path ahead (wisdom). At times things can seem to be an uphill battle with only a glimpse of the horizon. I'm all about going where no one that I know has gone. This can work for or against me. Nevertheless, I hate being a groupie, which is one reason why I make take the harder path, even just for the experience. (I'm stubborn too.) Christians (myself included) can find it easier to be a groupie of Christ because it makes it easier to hide underneath the mask of Christianity or Christianese culture. The hardest thing can be to find your own voice, how to walk on the cobblestones of your faith, FOR YOURSELF. This is especially hard for youth who come from a Christian family or a child of parents in ministry [but that's another issue].

So again, I ask...How can you find your way back home? I'd like to hear comments about this. So feel free.

God Bless,
Natalie M. Steele

Note: All blogs written and photographs taken by Natalie M. Steele are protected. Use of any pictures taken by NMS Photography, such as the above, without permission is seriously not reccommended

Just a Note

Hey All,
Just a short message. For an ongoing number of months I have had these cryptic and mysterious e-mails from someone that possibly knows me, commenting about my spiritual journey. I would just like to say for all those out there that may come across my blog or that read it that in NO WAY shape or form is this blog a criticism on anyone but rather an example of my personal walk with Jesus Christ. I have always made a habit of only naming those that have enforced the importance of walking in integrity and that have mentored me so that I can become a better Christian (even then, rarely because I would like to protect them and their family). I will never make this blog a place of criticism and never intended it to be. The purpose of this blog is to make my life an open book so that God can touch others when they are in need.

I thank God for this medium and pray that people who read it WILL be touched by His power.

Thank-you and God Bless!
Natalie M. Steele

Brought Up From The Water Deep

In my life, I have been made captive through disappointments, guilt, hurt, self-hatred, and unforgiveness. So many times I have faced the mask of defeat, forgetting that God's love never fails. The fortresses that I have built on my own are in ruins, despite what the false exterior portrays. For so many years, this has been the case until a series of events and revelations entered my life that have ultimately changed me forever. One of those events was my baptism in Duns, Scotland. It was important for me to be baptized in the UK because it is where I re-committed myself as a Christian. Being able to stand up and share my bold and truthful testimony infront of strangers took faith that God was going to use my vulnerability, my story, for good. As I shared, I felt God loosening the last of the chains of shame, guilt and self-punishment. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 ("For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...") came into a whole new meaning for me. When I was lowered into the water, I felt God's peace fall upon me. As I was brought back up, I felt that everything from my past had been washed off of me. No feelings of guilt, shame, or defeat. In fact, I felt the opposite. I was empowered, refreshed, encouraged and a child of God anew. I wanted to go out and share God's love with everyone. For once, I was released from the care of what people may think of me and of my Christianity. I knew that my calling requires my obedience, my love and respect for the sacrifice of Christ so that I may humbly be an example. This is why I chose Phillipians 2:12-13, 14-16 as my baptismal scripture.

Dearest Friends, you were always so careful to follow my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away you must be even more careful to put into action God's with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him.
In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing, so that no one can speak a word of blame against you. You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark word full of crooked and perverse people [live as lights in the world amongst a dark and crooked generation]. Let your lives shine brightly before them. Hold tightly to the word of life, so that when Christ returns, I will be proud that I did not lose the race and that my work was not useless. (NIV [NLT])

Every day I encounter a chance to be a light among the world. I am constantly reminding myself that Jesus died on the same cross for me as He did for others. He wants to offer the same hope to others through my imperfections and the grace demonstrated in my life. I must be careful not to be arrogant with the righteousness I have experienced but rather open my arms to others circumstances. I have a chance to serve God in little ways.

I want to encourage those who are considering baptism to not feel pressured into it, or feel like you have to follow others. Do it when you feel the Holy Spirit is leading you to. Who cares if everyone else has done it. This is your relationship with Christ, so follow the pace God has set for you. You'll know the time and the place. A friend of mine, Murray (whose blog is conencted to mine below), went to church dressed up in a silk shirt, not intending to be baptised that night, but the Spirit moved him, and he did it, silk shirt and all. Me, I've waited until my 21st year because I didn't feel ready until now. Baptism has allowed me to step into a new phase in my walk with Christ. I pray your experience with Baptism will bless you as much as it has blessed me.

Be encouraged because Jesus Loves You and has set you free!

In Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

Note: All blogs written and photographs taken by Natalie M. Steele are protected. Use of any pictures taken by NMS Photography, such as the above, without permission is seriously not reccommended.

The Scottish Borders; God's Country, My Country

As many of you know, I spent two weeks in the Scottish Borders, Duns, Scotland in January of this year. Every time I visit the UK, I never come home (to Canada) the same. When I got off the plane in Amsterdam to catch my connection to Edinburgh, my nerves started jumping because I just wanted to get "home" (as I call it, because it is just like home). As we crossed the North Sea on the coast of Scotland, my heart started crying...HOME and my FAMILY! I was so glad to touch ground and even happier to see my big brother, Jonathan, meeting me inside the airport. I jumped in excitement into his arms to give him a big hug. I settled in, a couple days went by, and all was silent. If you spent some time with this family, you'd discover how unusual that is. All the while, my life in action was being observed by my big brother and his wife with the Holy's Spirit's knowledge and sensitivity. When the moment came, and the silence broke with confrontation, my arrogant notion that I was prepared to defend my actions was totally blown out of the water. I had no answers but excuses. I realized how much deception I had enabled myself with day to day through excuses. I didn't want to take ownership of my weaknesses nor my sin in them. This is what I wrote in my journal about it;

God,

I need you in m weaknesses now and always. I had overlooked areas in my life thinking I was above them but yet, I am so decieved by them. I have used your grace as an excuse to be above every one else and I'm so unbelieveably sorry for that. I have had false humility in my heart amongst sin. Just like last night driving in the Borders, no stars were seen, and the hills were barely recognized. This is an illustration of my heart and my life. There is so much beauty out there but it is hidden in darkness. You can't see it 'till daylight comes. I need more than a torch to light my way. I am struggling with rampant sin covering my heart and my mind. I need to stop shifting the blame on others or circumstances. I need to stop pulling out the innocent glances to manipulate people's reactions and to grow up to take responsibility for my actions as an ADULT. At the same time, I cannot allow myself the luxury of falling into my weaknesses because "God has already forgiven me"...

LORD, I have been kidding myself that I have come further than I had thought, that your grace exempts me from the things that every one else has trouble with. I have been thinking that I'm better than every one else in certain areas. I have been arrogant and prideful in my thinking. For this, I pray forgive me...

Your Child,
Natalie

1 Corinthians 5:7
" Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you are already unleavened [by Christ]."

During this process of God stripping more layers away, I began to ask myself some key questions through an illustration that was offered to me. This illustration was of Christ being a river flowing in and out of us that is constantly refreshed and renewed. It also involved a puddle - stagnent water, dirt has settled, rubbish floating - nothing flowing in or out. Below are those key questions:

1) Who/what is your river instead of God?
2) Are you looking to someone to be the container of the river of God for you?
3) Issues - Are you planted in them? Are you feeding off of the stagnent water?
4) Enemies - Are you consumed by [an] enemies? By issues? By stumbling blocks? Negative behaviours?
5) Are you trying to succeed on your own strength and becoming dehydrated?

I realized that I was the stagnent puddle, that I would continue to be if I didn't begin to ask God to daily refresh me with awareness of my weaknesses. I also needed to actively recognize my responsibility to change my actions before I act.

I have used my own example not to give glory to myself, but rather to demonstrate what can happen in each of our lives (when we've turned our head the other way) when we have stumbling blocks. It is also to say that these stubling blocks can become stepping stones, if one chooses to make them so by pinpointing past compromises and crushing them with a new path. Ultimately, those stepping stones can assist you and the many others that follow behind.

Love in Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

"Sin and Satan presence in our lives is the poison that kills us. Jesus Christ is our only antidote." - Tara White

Note: All blogs written and photographs taken by Natalie M. Steele are protected. Use of any pictures taken by NMS Photography, such as the above, without permission is seriously not reccommended.