Courtship vs. Dating
After going through the principles in Chapter 5, More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers (Harris, boymeetsgirl, 2000), I realized that I should have defined the difference between dating and courtship for those that are confused. So, without applying too much legality, I'm going to attempt to portray the "personalities" of each avenue.
Courtship says goodbye to unguided and directionless relationships that serve the purpose of self, short-term gratification and pushing the boundaries of purity. This unfortunately, often characterizes dating. Christians alike, dating has frequently neglected the educated and prepared decision to enter the relationship. Many dating relationships have been based on the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy. No amount of biblical rules could prevent this relationship from infringing upon un-Godly ground. When a relationship trusts in the false security of humanly-hopeful rules and not in God, it is already in grave jeopardy.
Courtship is carefully plotted by God and attentively applied by the individuals involved. It is a romantic relationship full of purpose and fully developed in marriage. Courtship employs unselfishness, wisdom, patient intimacy and lead by God and integrity. It is an intense and unique experience between two faithful individuals. This is a relationship that invites the whole community to act as support to encourage the best qualities in courtship. Therefore, making it a character building experience. 1 Corinthians 13 could be called the spoken example of what a relationship, like courtship, should accomplish; selfless love in all areas.
One could say that dating implies posession of one another and courtship implies God's posession of us in the relationship.
It is always beneficial to refine our thinking with issues such as this. But, we must be careful not to get caught up in the logistics. No matter what we call our commited relationships, the way we conduct ourselves in them is what counts. We must not allow terms to define our living, but instead to let our living define terms.
Here are some questions to keep in mind while searching for God's purpose for you in courtship (Harris, pg.32):
1) What's my motive for being in a relationship?
2) How can I live for God as I pursue marriage?
3) How can I stop living selfishly?
4) How can I serve others?
5) What am I living for and how am I living?
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1 comment:
you make an interesting point in the difference between courtship and dating.
not long ago, my brother, a deeply committed follower of God, told me he was 'courting' a girl. At first I just thought hmm, that's a sweet term. I assumed he'd found himself a 'girlfriend'. Not so. He had just been overseas to a country where courtship mainly replaces so-called 'dating' and the average 'relationship'. I don't know the full story yet, but its made me reassess my views on relationships between one committed christian with anothher of the opposite sex.
Anyway, he had met this woman, also a committed christian, in this country where he had been on a missionary trip. I think he had known her for a little less than one month. He then announced he was courting her and they would marry within 2 years. My brother is in his 20s, he's never really had a real 'girlfriend', and i, at first, found this a little freaky. But then, when he had explained it, I suddenly understood, and now my thought is that all relationships between believers should ideally be this way.
He met the girl, and after a short while of spending some harmless time with her, and realising that she was as committed to God and family as he was, and after meeting her family, he asked if he could 'court' her. It's an intent to marry. They had both passed each others 'checklist' as to what they were each looking for in a husband/wife, they found out they have the same interests, same goals, and were on a similar path with their walk with God. They both prayed deeply about it, and still do. They both believe that God told each of them that it was right, and aligned with His Will for their lives.
And, I thought - why not? They are both at a time where they are looking for the right partner, they had both been praying for someone a long time before they met. Of course, they were attracted to each other as well. It's not like he just met anyone and then asked to court that persson, and she accepted. God used the mission trip to bring them together. They still remain in seperate countries, she's there, he's here. They will pray, prepare and communicate by phone, e-mail and the occasional plane-trip/visit, over the next 1 to 2 years, when, God-willing, they will marry.
Now to me, that's a dedicated relationship in the makings.
Why bother to start a loving relationship with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you're a christian and God is the centre of your world, unless you intend to marry?
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