"The Riot"

Courtship vs. Dating

After going through the principles in Chapter 5, More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers (Harris, boymeetsgirl, 2000), I realized that I should have defined the difference between dating and courtship for those that are confused. So, without applying too much legality, I'm going to attempt to portray the "personalities" of each avenue.

Courtship says goodbye to unguided and directionless relationships that serve the purpose of self, short-term gratification and pushing the boundaries of purity. This unfortunately, often characterizes dating. Christians alike, dating has frequently neglected the educated and prepared decision to enter the relationship. Many dating relationships have been based on the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy. No amount of biblical rules could prevent this relationship from infringing upon un-Godly ground. When a relationship trusts in the false security of humanly-hopeful rules and not in God, it is already in grave jeopardy.

Courtship is carefully plotted by God and attentively applied by the individuals involved. It is a romantic relationship full of purpose and fully developed in marriage. Courtship employs unselfishness, wisdom, patient intimacy and lead by God and integrity. It is an intense and unique experience between two faithful individuals. This is a relationship that invites the whole community to act as support to encourage the best qualities in courtship. Therefore, making it a character building experience. 1 Corinthians 13 could be called the spoken example of what a relationship, like courtship, should accomplish; selfless love in all areas.

One could say that dating implies posession of one another and courtship implies God's posession of us in the relationship.

It is always beneficial to refine our thinking with issues such as this. But, we must be careful not to get caught up in the logistics. No matter what we call our commited relationships, the way we conduct ourselves in them is what counts. We must not allow terms to define our living, but instead to let our living define terms.

Here are some questions to keep in mind while searching for God's purpose for you in courtship (Harris, pg.32):

1) What's my motive for being in a relationship?

2) How can I live for God as I pursue marriage?

3) How can I stop living selfishly?

4) How can I serve others?

5) What am I living for and how am I living?

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If We Are Not A Couple and Not JUST Friends...What Are We?! (Part 2)

The Three Areas of Blossoming and Protecting

*Friendship*

The single and most impacting thing on your courtship is cementing your friendship. This is one common ground that needs no pressure to spark romantic feelings or to immediately figure out compatability for marriage. As your friendship develops, so will the other details.

Deepening in friendship means much learning about eachother through conversation and behaviour. It also means enjoying one another's company in quality and realistic settings.

At first, do not concentrate on all the specific details for "perfect" dates. Allow for settings and activities that encourage enjoyment of eachother, good conversation, and to relax. Also, share the various parts of your life from the every-day task to the exciting events. Experiencing the opportunity to serve together in various settings can be a positive eye-opener to each other's character.

The purpose of involving each individual in their own natural environments is to show an accurate depiction of the "real you." In courtship, inclusion in each partners world is important to create a sense of community between them and those who support each individual. Later on in the courtship, community will become an important part of accountability.

Protecting each other's hearts during the period of "friendship" means securing that it has good pace, focus, and space.

1) Pace
Don't rush building a good foundation. Becoming best friends in the first week may not be the best idea. Let nature take its time and ensure continual investment to be nurtured. Don't hurry or squeeze your way into each other's lives.

2) Focus
Be careful not to focus your energy on intimacy and emotional dependence. These are premature until the yellow light turns full on green. For now, just get to know eachother. In the first steps of courtship, involve yourselves in activites that do not concentrate on being a couple. Guard your conversations against talking about the relationship. Instead, talk to God about it. Seek to learn about the each other. Do not promise more intimacy than what has been rightfully given. Focuses will shift on their own as the climate of the courtship changes. Access to each other's hearts will be given as commitment and confidences deepen.

3) Space
At the start of your courtship be committed to not allowing you relationship to crowd other relationships with friends and family. Be careful not to become threatened by other relationships that the other person has. The degree of your of your exclusiveness in the early stages of courtship will predict if your dependency is more than what is wise at the time. Remain faithful to your commitments, friends and family. Progressively as the relationship continues, avenues will be made to spend more time together. Travel cauticiously!

*Fellowship*

As you discover what your relationship holds, it is important to ensure that it has a firm spiritual foundation. The defining common passion in your relationship should be God. A firm spiritual foundation found in God will outstand the test of time and the most trying situations. Courtship is a chance to blossom in your common desire for God and learn to challenge each other to develop in faith.

Growing in biblical fellowship involves sharing with other Christians the most important aspect of our lives -- the reality of Jesus Christ and His work in us. It involved praying together as well as talking about what God is teaching us and showing us (Harris, pg. 88).

It is God's calling upon men to lead in biblical fellowship. Make an effort to discover how you can pray for one another. Also, make the time to discuss each other's personal revelations in your walk with God.

Ways to encourage fellowship together include; reading Christian books, discussing sermons after the service and how you are going to practice the presented issues.

Harris (pg. 88) quotes:

"Another part of fellowship is spurring each other on in righteousness. Nate, a young man from Great Britain, did this in his courtship with Claire by inviting her to point out any areas in his life. 'I would consistently ask if she saw any attitudes or behaviours that were offensive or dishonoring to her, others, or to God.' "

Protecting the fruit of Godly fellowship means growing in your desire and love for God, and not your emotional reliance upon one another. Your objective is to direct each other towards God. This is how all the ideas for shared fellowship are protected from abuse. It is inappropriate to use spiritual acitivities as a source for snatching more intimacy than is granted in the relationship.

Satan has a way of decieving us in things that are "spiritual" and seem appropriate, but are not. One area that is particularly sensitive is confessing sexual sins to each other. Accountability, in the right context, can be positive but NEVER should sexual sins be part of the picture. These intimate confessions could concieve paths that were NEVER intended to be traveled upon. When dealing with accountability in a sexual matter, one should be partnered with a member of the same sex.

Another precaution we must take is confirming that we are not trying to replace God in each other's lives. If your source of comfort, encouragement, and strength comes not from God, there is a major problem. Always maintain in your personal relationship with God that HE is your first and only source of true fulfillment before any other.

*Romance*

In this three ingredient mixture, romance has been left till last. Romance should only be an added ingredient when friendship and fellowship have well stirred.

The essence of pure romance is pursuit -- a man showing care, affection and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind (Harris, pg. 89).

Romance is not the first focus in courtship, but it is still needed in the equation. Never think that "Christian courtship" means stale romance. These romantic feelings and pure non-intimate actions are an elemental part of this stage of courtship. "If God is confirming the wisdom and rightness of the relationship, romantic feelings should be seen as a good thing and as a gift from God" (Harris, pg. 89). Submission to God in feelings of affection and love is the aim for courtship, not to stifle them.

As leaders, men have the honour of being "...the initiators of romantic expression." Remember guys; it is not out of order to express genuine affection throughout the relationship (Romans 12:10). Such things as sending frequent e-mails to say that your partner is in your thoughts, or notes and cards with encouragement, or flowers. A woman's idea of romance is doing the small things that let her know that she is on a man's mind and in his heart.

If your courtship leads to marriage the romance doesn't stop there. These skills are meant to be carried thoughout the rest of your lives together. Romance keeps the joy and spark in a marriage because it is a reminder of each partner's qualities that were first embraced and loved. Most of all, it keeps appreciation for each other alive.

A safe guideline for the do's and don'ts of courtship is that "...we never want our romantic expression to promise more commitment than we would be ready to express in words." (Harris, pg. 90) Romantic expression should naturally grow as the confidence about the promise of marriage increases. The purpose of this guideline is to bring about realism and to enable honouring the other party involved. A man's expression should be appropriately serving his sister in Christ (honouring, guarding and encouraging).

In response to a man's romantic expression, ladies should respond appropriately as his expression increases. A ladies expression should match that of a mans, but careful not to override his expression. Harris (pg. 91)gives an example:

"As [Steve] picked up the pace romanticly, [Nicole] reciprocated. When Steve took a trip with some friends, she arranged little surprises and notes for each day of [Steve's] travel. First, [Nicole] baked his favourite brownies and had a flight attendant deliver them to him on the plane. Then when [Steve] arrived at the home where he was to stay, his favourite ice cream was waiting in the freezer....Steve and Nicole are growing in their romance at an appropriate time in their relationship and for the right reasons."

At the time when God plants a desire for marriage in a man's heart, this is when he can begin to actively pursue to capture a woman's heart. This pursuit is not wrong, as long as it honours God -- a man's intentions are pure. God created this wooing process to indicate a sign of life-long commitment.

Harris (pg. 91) speaks again:

"What does it mean to guard our hearts with regard to romance? In my relationship with Shannon, the principle that guided me was simple. Romance during our courtship needed to flow out of deepening commitment. I refused to stroke the fires of romantic zeal before I knew I wanted to marry her. Doing so might have led to short-term enjoyment, but it would have deeply hurt her eventually. Romantic passion awakened without commitment can lead to sin and regret (Song of Songs 2:7)."

A carefully guided example of this implementation is when to introduce the words "I love you." On many occasions, I have been burned with these precious words, meant to express great affection and commitment. Sometimes the most intimate expressions meant to be loving, are the most hurtful when expressed impatiently, and not in the best interest of the other person. The words "I love you" promise a level of commitment that assumes marriage. If God has not confirmed with you that you are to be married, limit your affections to actions and continue to pray for the appropriate timing of this particular expression. Consulting God on this issue is the best thing that you can do. He is the best judge and He reminds us not to act in foolishness. There is no firm rule on when to speak out "I love you" but the best way to ensure its deep meaning is to save it for a unique time in your relationship. Wisdom is the key.

The Excitement Presses On

Couples blossoming in the three areas of friendship, fellowship, and romance, are encouraged to still contemplate their roles as men and women, practice authentic communication, and follow through with a plan for sexual purity.

Some would say that it is unrealistic to be more than friends, less than lovers and to be wise in courtship, but I would have to disagree. When we are lead by the ideals of loving each other in a Christ-like manner and to wisely search out marriage it is possible to carry-out a life-long friendship and love affair in marriage.

Note: Chapter 5 of boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has been adapted to suit the writer of this article. All other direct mentions of boymeetsgirl have been referenced to the original writer, Joshua Harris.
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If We Are Not a Couple and Not JUST Friends...What Are WE?! (revised)

For this blog (and a series), I’m going to continue with my courtship slanted theme. As you might have noticed, boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has had quite an influence on me most recently. I have made so many horrible mistakes in past relationships because I was so TOTALLY confused on the Christian perspective of dating and courtship [YES, there is a difference!]. The world at times clouds the clarity that Christ gives us, due to our ill knowledge of the real truth. Some might argue that this is an unfair statement, but when an individual grows up in such a climate that sexual sins are acceptable, what then is normal? These were the kind of questions that I started searcing for. As I reach my new decade in life, and as I start longing for the man of God's design, I increasingly also desire to know the heart of God when it comes to courtship. When the next time comes around, I want to be fulfilled by God first and know his will for me. I want to get it right, or at least say I did it honourably. With this, I’m going to leave you with a series of excerpts from boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris (I recommend this book to everyone! It was a surprising help!), starting with Chapter 5, More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers.

Chapter 5
More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers

Correct Definitions

An important question to ask yourself before you begin seeking God's purpose for marriage is; what does a successful courtship mean? Most often, societal influences dictate that a successful courtship results in engagement and a happy wedding. Looking closer, this is a nonsensical notion.

Ideally, engagement is a good thing. Unfortunately, couples today often base their engagement entirely on emotions or fleeting passion, rather than on realistic facts and God-given foresight. Therefore, a courtship that results in a foolish engagement cannot be considered a success! Neither can a courtship that was filthy with haughtyness, devious management, and sexual sin be named a success, even if resulting in a happy engagement. If this is so, than how can a couples marriage improve without God's blessing in the beginning? This is a strong concern from the early stages of courtship through engagement to marriage.

Blossoming and Protecting

It is evident that our definition of success in courtship needs to be clarified. If engagement if not our final goal, what should be?

According to Joshua Harris, two central priorities must be established in a God-worshipping, carefully-guided courtship. "The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and wise decision about marriage. In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other’s character, but we also want to guard each other’s heart because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown. "

From the start of a courtship, each individual is uncertain of marriage. Part of this decision is made by spending time together, discovering interaction with each other, and observing one another's character. This is the meaning of growing closer without need for physically intimate interaction. Saying this, the motivating factor for treating each other with integrity should be the knowledge that the future is unknown, and in whatever circumstance, the outcome should be positive when reflected upon. If all parties were honored and treated well, regret will not be needed. Second Corinthians 1:12 is an example of what every Christian couple should be able to apply to the end of their courtship.

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.

Rather than defining engagement as the outcome of courtship, our ambition should be to treat each other with integrity, make the correct decision about marriage, and have peace about our behaviour. Harris reflects:

My Friend Leonard, a single man in his thirties was disappointed when Rita broke off their courtship. But because he had acted appropriately towards her, he had the peace that comes with clear conscience.

"Sure my pride was hurt,' Leonard says. "I asked myself ‘Why?’ and ‘What went wrong?’ many times. But consider our courtship a success because I was able to walk away from it praising God that I had served and honoured my sister in Christ. I treated her with the respect a child of God deserves. To the best of my ability, my motives, thought, words, and actions were in the right place.” (Harris, pg 84)

High Wire Act

The upkeep of priorities of blossoming and protecting make courtship a high-wire act. One move could with positively or negatively affect the courtship. Considering marriage is the sharp purpose of courtship, but one must resist the idea of expecting the outcome as marriage.

It reminds me of a high-wire circus act. Have you ever watched a performer traverse a wire a hundred feet in the air? If you have, you know that the secret to their safety is the balancing pole they carry. Holding it horizontally with both hands keeps the performer from losing balance and falling off the wire. (Harris, pg.84)

Courtship is a fine balnce between friendship and marriage. The two priorities, mentioned earlier by Harris, are at each end of the balancing pole. Each individual must help each other as a team to keep the pole in the middle, equal in balance. If this is done, two different scenarios will be prevented; 1) Too guarded--> stunted growth in relationship, 2) Too close, too fast --> emotional injury or foolish choices in the future.

There is a healthy tension you should desire to maintain. If marriage is in God's will for you, you won't need to protect your hearts -- you will be placed in each other's complete possession. There is no doubt that this time in your relationship will be greatly cherished, exhilarating, and blessed by God. BUT remember, the knowledge that God's will for your relationship is marriage, does not mean that all caution be thrown to the wind! In whatever circumstance in our lives, God requires integrity, NO EXCEPTIONS!

Harris (pg. 85) Quotes:

"I’ll never forget Valentine’s Day during my courtship with Shannon. How wonderfully awkward it was! On the holiday for lovers, I wasen’t sure how to address her. She was my friend, but then we were more than friends. So we were more than friends, but not quite lovers. I felt like I was back in the seventh grade agonizing over the meaning of the words on valentines! In a card I spent hours writing I asked, 'How do you guard a girl’s heart while attempting to tell her how special she is? Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship?'

My questions captured the healthy tension of courtship. Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship? It sounds funny, but I think you can. It’s part of the process of letting romance blossom slowly under a watchful eye of prudence and self-control. You’re more than friends, so you can determine whether you should join your lives in marriage, but you’re also less than loves – your hearts and bodies don’t yet belong to each other. "

Sit back and relax. Don't bussle through. Don't detest or hustle the middle time of courtship, even though you often feel the nagging tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the necessity to blossom and protect during courtship is a fulfilling part of hiking towards "marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity." (Harris, pg. 85)

For courtship to be a loud success and a joy, we need to blossom and protect in three areas: friendship, fellowship, and romance. Next, let's look at the healthy balance of each.

To Be Continued….Next Blog Up!

Note: Chapter 5 of boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris, has been adapted to suit the writer of this article. All other direct mentions of boymeetsgirl have been referenced to the original writer, Joshua Harris.

Note: All published blogs by Natalie M. Steele are protected

For All That She's Meant to Be, God Called Her WOMAN

Most recently, while reading boymeetsgirl by Joshua Harris (all of you out there should have this book!), I have noticed how mixed up the ideas are about equality, even amongst Christians. I would like to share this tidbit with all of you. A female friend sent this to me and I thought that it outlined the perfect definition of God's idea of equality between the sexes.

" A Woman"
This is written in the Hebrew Talmud. This is the book where all the sayings and wise words of Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says:

" Be careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of man's rib. Not from his feet to be trampled on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

It is my prayer that Christian men recognize who they are, what role God has given to them, and learn to cherish it, as well as the woman around them like Christ would. It is my prayer for Christian woman that they to recognize who they are, what role God has given them, to understand that men are not the oppressors, and woman are NOT the victims. Our society in general has given a bad rep, and gravely misconcieved the Christian idea of equality. Although there are extremes, God is not involved in those, HUMANS are. I encourage all of you to involve God in the process of your discovery about what equality between the sexes means to you. Forget everything that the world has ever taught you about equality. Start with a fresh slate! God Bless you!

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Blessed Are Those....Good Friends That Are A Rare Commodity

I know what you are thinking..."It's about time that you wrote a blog Natalie!!" Many changes have been happening in my life, and I've been learning to appreciate God's timing as well as His grace. I've also noticed that good friends are hard to come by. Don't get me wrong, I love mentoring my younger siblings in Christ, and I love the friends I have. It's just that sometimes I wish I could find more "real" and "genuine" people that can equally sharpen my iron and I theirs in every respect. At this point in my life, I am praying for those kind of friends whose mutual confidence and spitirual wisdom is reason for empowerment. I am praying for friends who stick with me, who hang with me, even in the most mundane situations. I love letting loose and having fun but I also enjoy my down time. When I am not loud, I am quite inward and deep. Really, anything goes for me (with discretion), as long as I am spending time with my dear friend(s). I'm not a person who entertains her "guests" for the sake of their enjoyment. I like to be me... Just the one and only Natalie without the frills to impress. I just want those around me to know that I have nothing to hide. All of my flaws are openly displayed in acknowledgement of my blatant imperfection. I just want people to know they can be the same way with me.

All of this mixture has brought some difficulty over the years. I have had great experiences with receptive people. I've also had bad experiences with people who thought it was rude of me not to go out of my way to impress them in a show of extravagance. Although, I believe that what I desire in a friendship is not wrong, I have doubted the validity of such desires. Many questions have gone through my mind, mostly pointing the finger back at myself. I wonder, "am I asking too much?", "am I pushing people to perform for my expectation of friendship, even if I don't intend to?", and "am I such an arrogant and prideful human that I have overlooked what is before me?" Sometimes I joke with myself that what I am asking for is actually the specifications of a husband (which I'd very much like!).

Before you get the feeling that I'm complaining about what I lack, I actually want to encourage you to step up to the plate to be a friend of God to others. WWJD is not a reminder limited to simply conviction of right or wrong. Whether you wear the bracelet or not, don't pull a WWJD stunt without showing the whole spectrum of His love to Christians, and non-Christians alike. Fo-shizlle my Christizzlles. A famous scripture that spells this out is spoken by Jesus.

" I command you to love each other in the same way I love you. And here is how to measure it - the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends." John 15:12-13

Jesus was the ultimate example. He proved His friendship to us in the most extraordinary way, going above and beyond what we thought we were worth.

Another example of friendship is the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 23. They had an ordinary friendship but what set them apart in their relationship is that they had an extraordinary God right in the centre! Their friendship points out key affirmations of a friendship.

1. "I will be there for you in times of trouble"
- Jonathan had commitment to David in the face of adversity and possible death.
- He presented God as the answer to David's problems and NOT himself.

2. Are your friends stronger or weaker for the time that they spend with you?
- Jonathan and David consistently challenged eachother by making an environment of honor and accountability --> constant sharpening of each other.

3. "I will seek to be a source of emotional stability for you."
- Jonathan traveled a long distance, risking his life, to comfort David a time of trouble.

4. "I will be a self-afacing and loyal to you no matter what the cost."
-Loyalty means that two people help eachother grow up in God through their trials (Prov 18:24).
- A loyal friend will put aside their desires to recognize what God wants for YOU.

These examples can live outside the Bible through all of us. It's not so untangible that we can't step out of our own little world's and towards others. What's to loose besides pride and image? We don't need those anyway! And if you are worried that people will find out that you are not perfect, it's kind of too late! All the more reason to learn what "drawing upon Jesus" means (no art supplies included). For those of you who have stepped out, I am SOOO thankful. I applaud your servanthood. Won't you send some of that my way? LOL.

A friend being a friend in service to God will always be the best kind....Blessed are those good friends that are a rare commodity.


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Burning Wick

O LORD, Burn me!
Through my wickedness
I curse your name
I encourage you to
Burn me!
Burn me for all that
scars your body
Let your flame be at my
center,
Your fire burns through
me
I am your wick
Light Your fire, O LORD
Burn away me!
For more of you

O LORD, Burn me!
Ignite my soul to
praise you passionately
I enthrall you to
Burn me
Burn me for all that you
want me to be
Melt my rotten wax
away,
Mold my heart to be
uncontainable
I am your wick,
Light your fire, O LORD
Burn away me!
For less of me,
and more of you.

Natalie M. Steele (NMS Copyright)
July 9, 2004

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Just a Prayer...

O Lord, I love to be still in your presence.
You are the only way I can't "escape" from everything.
I can walk into your chambers every minute of my day
without scheduling a time or asking for a holiday.
When I run to you in your throne room, everything stops
because I am your child.
You are my place of rest, of peace, of blessing, of wisdom,
of discipline and of love.
You are not a cure-for-all, quick-fix God.
Instead, you walk us through the cure with trial and blessing
molding us through time, to be what you intended us to be.
There is no "fixing" that needs to be done, for what
you have made needs not fixing but sculpting.

O Lord, I am on your potters wheel.
Smooth over my bumps that keep you from filling my life.
Mold me into a nurtured, strong and able vessel to hold
your holy oil.
Empty out my spoiled liquid for more of you.
Fill me with your wisdom and passion to share with others.
Let me not be a vessel that people will be afraid to touch,
to be around because they may see fragility.
Let others see my imperfections, my weaknesses.
Let me not simply appear real but to be
genuinely real through and through.

Oh, how I desperately want to dwell in your presence
all the days of my life.
There is no one else I love more than you.
There is no one else that I would rather give my life for.
My love is like betrayal to those I love on earth.
You see me in my weakest moments,
in my quiet hours,
in my joy and jubilation.
You know the hiding place in my heart.
You know my every thought and act.
In all of these things, I take comfort and shelter.
For you are my ultimate judge.

None other can place their judgments before yours.
I do not fear nor fret their thought against me,
for only your thoughts matter to me.
Only yours are of untitled worth.
My value comes from you and in that,
I cannot be of estimated value in the world.

For your discipline, I am not able to give enough gratitude.
Remind me of your ways each living hour.
Steer me on your path of promise.
Enlarge my heart for my family, for my friends,
and for those who need your love more desperately
than I.
Whilst enlarging my heart, toughen my exterior
to rough waves.
Bring to mind the significance of being your
disciple.
Let me hold fast to your truth in all that I do,
so that I may honor you.

Empty me. Break me. Mold me. Fill me. Use me for your Kingdom...

Love,
Your child


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Mad For God or Drunk For The World? (Part 2)

After much prayer over Jamie's response to my last post about drinking and his father's experience in Korea, I came to a solid conclusion (Based on 1 Cor 9). I realized the differentiation between going to a bar/party with your friends to have one drink (or none) and having a drink in a cultural setting. In the case of going to a bar or party where you know there is going to be drinking, and you might be convinced to come down from your platform, you are participating in a sinful culture. It's all to do with your intentions and motivation of being in an immoral environment. Are you reallly there to be a tall standing, well-adjusted witness? Or are you in the process of trying to convince yourself that your presence is a good witness and that there is nothing wrong with following where the crowd is heading? Who are you trying to please? Are you seeking the approval of God or man? There is a bold line where you are blind from God's truth, due to your own neglect of your screaming conscience and self-deception. Being a Christian is NOT about following the crowd. No matter how you put it, hanging with your friends in a place that endorses an environmental practice of iniquity, selfishness, and rejecting the will of God, YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN SIN because you are not standing for righteousness. Drink or no drink, there is no excuse! The "Alcohol Culture" is not a culture at all, but simply a lifestyle full of sin.

Using Mr. Grant's situation (for an explaination of cultural setting w/ alcohol), he was not walking in sin because he was participating in a cultural tradtition. Confused?? I'll explain more. The intention of the men was not to get drunk, or to get Mr. Grant drunk, but in cultural tradition to provide a relaxed social environment. It's like the Korean style of meeting at a North American coffee shop to have a meeting, or to indulge in eachother's lives. Two drinks symbolized the welcoming of Mr. Grant into their culture, their lives, and as a friend. Mr. Grant's intentions and motivations for taking a drink with the men were pure. It was a way to say in actions,"I am your friend. I am interested in your well-being, in your lives, and in your culture. I'm not going to judge you because you are not a Christian." In this way he was not following along with the crowd in sin. His simple act of two drinks opened of the doors for a solid witness because he showed that he took the time and energy to find out who these men were, to welcome them into his life. Mr. Grant essentially went out of his way to respect their culture. Mr. Grant did provide a good witness. Paul reinforces this view in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23, when he says the following;

"...I have become a servant of everyone so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with the Jews, I become one of them so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with those who follow the Jewish laws, I do the same, even though I am not subject to the law, so that I can bring them to Christ. When I am with the Gentiles who do not have the Jewish law, I fit in with them as much as I can. In this way, I gain their confidence and bring them to Christ. But I do not discard the law of God; I obey the law of Christ.

When I am with those who are oppressed, I share their oppression so that I might bring them to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone so that I might bring them to Christ. I do all this to spread the Good News, and in doing so I enjoy its blessings."

Paul states that He goes out of his way to find common ground. BUT he does not let his own personal morals and the laws of Christ to be pushed aside and neglected. He stands firm in his beliefs while finding common ground. A Christian that proclaims that He is such and lets the laws of his faith waiver, will not prove to be a worthy witness for God. Those who stand firm for God no matter what the circumstance will be blessed! As Christians, I believe that it is ESSENTIAL to ask for the Holy Spirit's wisdom and discernment DAILY so that we are less likely to stray from his narrow path. Bellow I have provided a nifty "Checklist" that outlines the questions that we should ask ourselves when making choices in sensitive issues (1 Corinthians).

Loads of Love and God Bless!
Natalie M. Steele


MAKING CHOICES
IN SENSITIVE ISSUES

All of us make hundreds of choices every day. Most choices have no right or wrong attached to them -- like what to wear or what to eat. But we always face decisions that carry a little more weight. We don’t want to do wrong, and we don’t want to cause others to do wrong. So how can we make right decisions?

If I choose one course of action . . .

. . .Am I motivated by a desire to help others know Christ?(9:23, 10:33)

. . .Will it encourage someone else to sin?(10:32)

. . .Will I be acting lovingly or selfishly?(10:28-31)

. . .Will it glorify God?(10:31)

. . .Will it help my witness for Christ?(9:19-22)

. . .Is it against a specific command in scripture and thus will cause me to sin?(10:12)

. . .Will it help me do my best? (9:25)

. . . Will it be best and helpful? (10:23, 33)

. . .Will I be only thinking of myself, or do I truly care about the other person?
(10:24)


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Mad for God or Drunk for the World?

In the 19 years I have lived, it is not that long ago that I struggled with the morality of drinking myself, and seeing my friends waste away. At an early age, growing up as a child of Teen Challenge employees, I learned that drugs and alcohol can lead you down a dangerous and potentially deadly path. The many students of the program, made sure that I saw the importance of keeping away from drugs and alcohol during my teen years. They educated me on the various drugs and their effects, what paraphernalia looks like (so that if I saw it, I wouldn’t pick it up), and the of course, the destruction they has experienced because of drugs and alcohol. For the most part, I have never really seen the attraction to drugs (especially) and alcohol. As for all young teens, a rebellious attitude is common. Thoughts of being invincible from responsibility were also common in my mind. When the accountability I had was removed in my life, some lure to alcohol began to stir.

During my first trip overseas to Europe, in the summer of grade 10, I was surrounded by opportunities to drink. I was so curious about the “cool factor” behind it. On the last evening of our 10-day tour of Germany, Austria, and Czech Republic, we settled into a little Bohemian restaurant for a nice celebration. There before me on the table was a wide spread of pure whiskey, hard vodka, wine, and other hard alcohol. It wasn’t long before the chaperones were incoherent and the students weren’t far behind. Of course, in the Czech it’s not illegal for a 15-year-old, like myself at the time, to drink. So, while the chaperones were incoherent and my parents were on another continent, I mixed my way to a BAD hangover. The worse part was that Czech’s can hold their alcohol well, so the waiter’s kept on refilling the glasses when you weren’t looking. You never knew how much you had drunk. As well, me not being a regular drinker AT ALL, I did not know that you should not mix alcohol. This experience threw me off that path SO FAST! It scared the desire to drink out of me so much that I have not drunken the equivalent of a tall glass of alcohol in approx. 5 years. Even when I have had the chance to drink, I have turned it down. The taste of alcohol sends me into gagging spasms.

The next hurdle I came upon was, “how do I deal with my friends drinking?” My friends hadn’t cared much for alcohol in the earlier grades, but as they got older, that began to change. I didn’t know how to cope with being one of the only ones among them who didn’t drink, who didn’t want to waste away a night or weekend with alcohol. I saw friends in their drunken foolishness give over their sexual purity so easily; let their moral standards slide, and their inhibitions. Everyone began to show differences in their character. Their behaviour when they were incoherent began to show in their coherent state. “Exceptions” began to be made in their lives, which they would have never considered before being in regular habit of practicing their “innocent” past time with alcohol. People became sloppy in their morals, in respect for themselves, and in their behaviour towards others. This was all due to the abusive and sinful culture tied in with alcohol and drugs. Looking back, being with my friends was like sitting in a suss pool of iniquity. I hated every minute of it. Why did I stay? Perhaps I wanted to show them that there was another answer to their unfulfillment; God? Also, I didn’t want to be left all alone. For a time, I had been part of that culture to an extent, but God removed me from being a participant to an onlooker. I had gotten over trying to find a release from my problems in alcohol and drugs (Yes, I was at a time addicted to pharmaceuticals). I was searching for the truth in other things. I have been a Christian for some time, but I had not yet fully found God in His truest sense.

Once I got my head somewhat on my shoulders and my G2 license, I always offered my services to be a designated driver. I would say to everyone, “here’s my mobile number. Ring me whenever you need help, no matter what the time of night.” No one ever called. Even when they knew I would keep my promise, they also knew that I didn’t agree with what they were doing. The very first call I had, hit close to home with my younger brother, less than a year ago. He was going to ride his bike into Byron, down snake hill (we all know how dangerous that is at night) to a party and ride back up the hill drunk. Although my parents would disagree with his attendance, I knew that he would end up drunk and if he hurt himself, or had a fatal accident while riding up snake hill back home, I would not be able to live with myself. I made the difficult decision of driving him to the party, asking him to ring me, and returning to pick him up to go back home. He did ring, and I picked him and three other boys up, who were stoned out of their mind on shrooms. The whole experience blew my mind. How could anyone do that to themselves? When I asked my brother why he gets drunk he replied, “I just want to let everything else melt away and become numb. It’s like a higher state of being that allows me to think of nothing or of things I would not otherwise think about. Reality is too scary.” This spoke to me about the hopelessness in the many young generation. I pleaded with God saying, “is this what I am part of? Please blind my eyes away from this! It causes me so much grief!”

Most recently, I struggled with going into bars with friends, even just to protect them if they were the only female in the group. I felt so uncomfortable, suffocated, by the environment. I wanted to get out even more when a man (approx. 14 yrs older) that was socializing with the group leaned over and kissed me, in the spirit of St. Patty’s day, just missing my lips. When I objected to reciprocating, I was called a tense party pooper. Well, if a strange man kissed you, and wanted one back, wouldn’t you too, refuse? I took a DEEP breath when I got out of there. I fought with my friend’s rationality of being in that environment as a Christian. Yes, one drink is okay, but what kind of display of Christianity are you making in that in environment? What kind of perceptions are you leading on to non-believers about Christians and their lifestyle? What is there in your lifestyle/behaviour that would be so compelling to them to change their lifestyle when they see you socialize in the same manner? This bothered me quite a bit. It was on my mind constantly. I asked myself, “do Christians really rationalize their behaviour like this, in order to push aside their conscience to fulfill their selfish ambitions and desires?

After much moral dilemma and meditation on God’s Word I came to a conclusion with the help of 1 Corinthians 8 (you should read it). You see, the act of walking into a bar is not a sin BUT participating in the culture IS, because those with a weaker conscience (ex. New Christian or unbeliever) will be violated in their ignorance of Christianity. Even if you do not drink, your presence in a place of sin may still tempt you and cause others to stumble. Christ tells us that we are to remove temptations from our lives, not deliberately put ourselves in them! Better yet of all choices, stay clear from the bars and parties! Paul in 1 Corinthians 8, tells us to stay away from entering into grey areas which, can be VERY damaging to not only ourselves, but to those around us as well. Do not go to a party just to stand idly by, while watching the sin go on. You will soon become numb to it too and start to become sloppy in your walk with God. If you volunteer to be a D’nD, wait for your friend/sibling to call you to come for them, or wait outside and pray! Don’t become a part of that culture. Christ was in the world but He was not of it. He was like an objective observer, giving truth to his people. We are too called to be in the world, not of it.

Now, when it come to drinking a glass of wine with dinner or at a special event, make sure that there is no one around you that has a weaker conscience than you will not be led astray. If you violate a weaker conscience, you have sinned against Christ who saved them. God calls us to be wise, not on our own strength, but with the help of the Holy Spirit. The bottom line is, God only offers a black or white choice. We must make our choice, but still act in love toward those who are not living for God’s purpose. We can stand on our principles but we must be careful not to walk in judgement. God has already judged those who have rejected Christ and live in unrighteousness. The trick is finding God’s balance. It is a lesson we have all struggled with at one point.

I believe that God is leading me to ask (even myself), are there any grey areas in your life that you need to confess and get right with Him? Is the path that you are taking influencing others to pursue righteousness or to stray? God says to lay it all down at the foot of the cross to be crucified with Christ. Doesn’t it feel good to choose HIS way? You will always know that you have made the right choice when you experience this awesome joy. Glory be to God! May God richly bless you and keep you as you walk in obedience!


Love In Christ,

Natalie M. Steele

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Is Life Worth Living? Ecclesiates 1:3-8

Have you ever wondered what purpose you have in your life? Have you ever wondered why life is worth living? So many people are bored, wandering around aimlessly, and complaining about how redundant their daily routine is. You may be thinking "what am I doing so wrong?" or "Why do I even bother living?" or even, "Ever since I became a Christian God has sucked the fun out of everything!" This draining lack of fulfillment plagues many Christians, including young Christians who struggle with the pressures of their peers. It can also be a particularly dangerous rut for those in ministry (topic for another day). Christianity is by no means boring but life can be boring and unfulfilling if we seek fulfillment in the world (buying the latest cds, making good impressions, acting "cool", attracting sexual attention from the opposite sex, etc.) instead of God. By no means is being a Christian easy. Sometimes, according to the world's standards, it gets worse before it gets better. Being a Christian means a call to holiness, which also means sacrifices, big and small. The fulfillment God gives involves nothing that the world would be able to match or describe as "fun" or "fulfilling."

In Ecclesiates 1 :3-8, Saul talks about being bored with the daily routine. He reasons that so many live without knowing God's purpose for their lives, or do not actively live out God's purpose. Saul calls us to question ourselves on our faith and relationship with God. He challenges us to find true and lasting meaning in God alone. Maybe this pause in your life is a ring from God, asking you to re-evaluate your relationship with him, your purpose, and direction? Whom are your serving? Are you spending your time wisely? What are you doing to find out your purpose in life? Is the life you're living for worth Christ dieing for? "The Kingdom of God is not just fancy talk; it is living by God's power" (1 Corinthians 4:20). God calls for active Christianty, not whining, complaining, whimpy Christianity. There are not excuses in the Kingdom of God.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul comments on; "Whomever puts their hands to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God." When plowing a field, you need to direct your ox in a straight line so that the rows are straight to plant the seeds. If you look back, your ox will stray, and you will loose track of where you are going. Where are you looking? Are your sights set on directing your ox (purpose) in a straight line towards God? Or are you looking back into the past, to the temptations of the world, betraying Jesus' sacrifice, and loosing sight of your path because you let your eyes and ox stray? Was Christ dieing on the cross over-doing it for you?

So what are you waiting for? A lightening bolt to strike before you get a wake up call? Seek God with all that you have. Speak the language of action and DO what you say you are going to do in your Christian walk. Find our your purpose and plant God's seeds! Claim the impowerment that Christ gave to us when He died on the cross! JUST GO FOR IT!! God has created a specific purpose for us all. He wants to see us become warriors for His name through selflessness, holiness, and obedience. What man holds as everything, means nothing. What God holds as everything is EVERYTHING and ANYTHING we will ever need.

Again the question, "Is life worth living?" And I answer "yes" with utmost certainty. BUT, there is a secret; living life for God's purpose and NOT my own. God Bless you all greatly!

Love In Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

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I am FINALLY getting to see the whole picture

When I left the native land, Canada, on my journey to England, little did I know about who I was, where I had come from, who God REALLY was and what faith means. Stripped of everything I knew, I felt like I was naked infront of every one. I could no longer hide from the things, and people who know me in Canada. When God took everything away from me, I screamed, I cried, I was angry, drained, and fustraited. All of this was for a purpose. In fact, it still is for a purpose.

Staying in England with my adopted family has been one of the most humbling, challenging, and blessed times of my life. Jonathan and Sung Joo have taught me so many things about living a life with faith. I could never explain it all to you, but I can live it. I've learned that living out what you have learned in faith is a powerful message to others.

During my time here in England, God has washed me clean of sin and has brought healing throughout my whole being. When sin left my life, I was finally able to start to hear the voice of my shepard, to understand His Word. Beforehand, I could not decipher His voice from the so many others I hear each day. I could not understand what the Bible was REALLY saying to my heart. You see, light and darkness cannot dwell in the same place. Everything began to change when I discovered the truths God had for me. I now know what it means to be "transformed by His Word."

For the first month, I sobbed on my face at God's feet. The importance of spending time in God's presence impacted my life so largely. He has become my first instinct instead of my last. I learned what it was to have a relationship with God, not a oneship, and to give it my all. I have continued to spend a lengthly amount of time each day with God, not only because its part of my missions objective, but more because I ENJOY the FACE TIME with God. It is no longer a chore, or just another daily rountine, it is my LIFE... to serve God. Until this year, I did not see any of this like I do now. I was terribly decieved by satan's curses over my life.

God has removed my desire to be comfortable in the mask I wore, in the pain of the past, and in my lazy Christianity. God also removed any attachment to material things. He spoke to me through that about His simplicity and gave me a desire for "extreme obedience"; drop everything and follow Him, knowing that I will have no place to lay my head. God brought me the humbling experience of being who He has created me to be, not what others expect me to be. I used to take pride in what I thought was my knowledge, my understanding, my wisdom, my intelligence. I was WRONG. Man is NOTHING withouth submitting to God in his flesh, admitting his weaknesses as a man, and asking for the Holy Spirit to give His wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and intelligence. When we are weak, HE is strong.

An important revelation for me was the knowledge that my identity lies in Christ and not in perfection, not in how beatutiful I am, not in how intelligent I am, not in how many good deeds I do for others, not in approval from humans, nor in the compliments that people give me. People will never satisfy a human heart, only God can. I realized that by being insecure and comparing myself to others, was judging God's creation. I had no place to scorn that. Finding my identity in Christ means I can proclaim that "I am Natalie Marie Steele, an individual. I am called. I am chosen. I am a Child of God." The Lord gives me the strength to stand alone with Him amongst a crowd.I tell all of these things that I have experienced to encourage my fellow Christians to run the race, to be real, to daily seek God and His direction. God loves you deeply, more than you could ever imagine. It is for this reason that I open myself up to be vulnerable and real with you.

I was inspired to call my blogger M.W.O.G - Might Woman of God, Because that is what God desires for me to be. When we speak and live out a prophecy over our lives, we pray it into existence. Seek him and find your calling. In him, we are all MIGHTY! God Bless you all.

Love In Christ,
Natalie M. Steele

Note: All published blogs by Natalie M. Steele are protected